When you finally stop hating yourself, there are songs you find it hard to listen to because they remind you of a darker time. There are the songs you listened to while sobbing in your bedroom. The songs that remind you of toxic people who are no longer in your life. The songs that kept you alive when you wanted to give up hope.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you continue to make self-deprecating jokes about how you hate yourself and how you wish you would get hit by a car — but they don’t hold truth anymore. You aren’t secretly saying how you feel anymore. You don’t actually want to die anymore.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you stop taking things so seriously. When someone takes a while to answer your text, you assume that they are busy instead of assuming that they secretly hate you. When someone looks your way, you assume that they find you attractive instead of assuming that there is something in your hair or teeth, instead of assuming that you are being laughed at behind your back.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you learn to enjoy your alone time. Instead of feeling lonely when you don’t have plans on a Friday night, you’re actually excited to have some time to yourself. To read. To catch up on shows you missed. To get extra chores done. To just relax. To just be.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you end up being nicer to other people. You see their beauty more. You compliment them more. You ask them to hang out more. You stop holding yourself back and let yourself reach out to them.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you stop apologizing when you weren’t the one who did something wrong. You stop associating with people who look down on you. You stop letting yourself be treated like you’re worthless because you know better than to believe that lie.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you look at yourself differently. Instead of cringing when you see an unflattering photo of yourself and immediately deleting it, you are able to laugh about it. Instead of focusing on your stomach fat when you look in the mirror, you think about how good your legs look. You are able to look at yourself and call yourself sexy.
When you finally stop hating yourself, it gets easier to climb out of bed in the morning. It gets easier to pose for photographs with friends. It gets easier to be around other people because you aren’t always second guessing yourself.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you smile a little wider. You stand up a little straighter. You laugh a little louder. You stop worrying about the way other people are looking at you, because you aren’t paying attention to them. Your paying attention to the moment — and you’re actually enjoying it.
When you finally stop hating yourself, you stop hating your life and you start seeing the beauty surrounding you.