She Has Been A Shitty Friend Lately Because She Is *Not* Okay

Girl who is not okay
Unsplash / Tanja Heffner

She has been ignoring texts. She has been missing from social media. She has been turning down every invite to concerts and movies and dinners that she would normally be excited about. She has distanced herself all of a sudden and her friends can’t figure out why.

They might think she is flaky. Unreliable. A bad friend. They might think she is putting her boyfriend or her career ahead of her friendships. They might be pissed off at her for disappearing when they need her the most.

They have no idea why she has been missing in action, because whenever they track her down and talk to her, she seems fine. She lies about how she has been busy or sick or swamped with work. She makes jokes. She makes excuses.

She hides the fact that she is not okay. She tries her hardest to appear normal because she doesn’t want to make anybody worry.

She could force herself to go out with you and fake smiles, fake laughs, fake interest — but she doesn’t want to put herself through that. She would rather stay inside. She would rather suffer on her own than put on an act for the rest of the world.

If she has been ignoring your texts, it isn’t because you mean nothing to her. It isn’t because she couldn’t care less about you or because she doesn’t appreciate your friendship. It isn’t because she is trying to hurt you. 

She is ignoring your texts because she doesn’t even have enough energy to pick up her phone — and she definitely doesn’t have enough energy to fake excitement when you talk about your job or your classes or your relationship. She doesn’t have it in her to socialize right now.

The worst part is that she knows the longer she goes without talking to you, the more questions you are going to ask when she finally starts the conversation.

That’s why she keeps putting off texting you. She doesn’t want to relive the pain she’s been going through by telling you about what’s been going on in her life and in her head. She doesn’t want to tell you the truth and she doesn’t want to pretend with you, so her only option is to ignore you.

She hates that she has distanced herself from you, but she hates a lot about herself lately.

She is not okay — and it is not about you. She is not pushing you away to punish you. She is not trying to play games. She is only trying to make it through another day. She is only trying to survive. And, unfortunately, socializing can zap energy that she doesn’t have to spare.

She knows that she has been a shitty friend lately, but she just needs a little bit of time. Eventually, she will be okay again. Eventually, she will return to your life with a real smile and inside jokes to share.

But, for now, she needs some time alone. She needs some time to heal. TC mark

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