Thought Catalog

If The World Was Fair, You Would Still Be Alive

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Girl missing someone who is not alive
Unsplash / Marco Lastella

If the world was fair, then it wouldn’t have tested my strength like this. It wouldn’t have taken someone I loved this much away from me. It wouldn’t have forced me to endure this hell. It wouldn’t have given me this much stress, pain, heartache. It wouldn’t have turned my worst nightmare into a reality.

If the world was fair, then someone with a heart as big as yours never would have suffered. They never would have been stripped of their future. They never would have been taken away from the people who loved them more than anything.

If the world was fair, you wouldn’t have been taken away from us so soon. You wouldn’t be in heaven looking down on us right now. You would still be here on earth to talk to, to joke around with, to drink with, to dance with, to celebrate with.

If the world was fair, then we wouldn’t have to wonder whether you are happy now. Whether you are at peace. Whether you felt fulfilled with everything you accomplished during your time here. Whether you wish you could have done more, whether you wish you had more time.

If the world was fair, then you would have been given more chances. The chance to watch me get married and move into a house and have children. The chance to watch your friends and your family mature. The chance to grow old on your own.

If the world was fair, then we wouldn’t have gotten a phone call that changed everything. We wouldn’t have gotten the worst news of our lives, news that changed us internally. We wouldn’t have had to watch your unfair, unnecessary death.

If the world was fair, then I wouldn’t have to wonder about the what ifs. What if I did something more to help you? What if I was there when it happened? What if I could have made a difference? What if there was a way to prevent what had happened to you?

If the world was fair, then I wouldn’t have to wait until my dreams to see you and wait for my prayers to talk to you. I wouldn’t have to stare at old photographs and watch old videos so that I never forgot the color of your eyes. I wouldn’t have to use the past tense when talking about you. I wouldn’t have to cry when thinking about you.

If the world was fair, then you would still have a phone number that I could text. You would still have a voice to tell me how much you loved me. You would still have arms to wrap around me. You would still have a soft heart beating strong inside of your chest.

If the world was fair, then you would be okay. You would be healthy. You would be whole. You would be here.

If the world was fair, then you would still be alive. If the world was fair, then I wouldn’t be stuck missing you. TC mark

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