Somewhere along the line, she stopped looking for love. She stopped going after who she wanted. She stopped trying.

She doesn’t even try anymore because it always ends in disappointment. Every time she puts herself out there, she is rewarded with another broken heart. Another reason to add to her long list of why I’m going to stay single forever. 

She doesn’t even try anymore because she can predict how it is all going to end. She is going to fall for someone. They are going to make her feel like they like her, too. And then they are going to walk away, pursue someone else, decide they aren’t ready for a real relationship after all. And her heart is going to be shattered. Again.

She doesn’t even try anymore because the highs aren’t worth the lows. Drunkenly flirting at parties with people she will never see again? Swiping right on strangers who are only interested in sex? Excitedly telling her friends about a new guy who will inevitably let her down just like all the others? She is going to pass. She is going to sit home and watch Stranger Things instead.

She doesn’t even try anymore because she no longer has the energy to slide into uncomfortable thongs and skintight skirts. To apply her liner and lashes three times until she gets it right. To plaster on a fake smile for twenty-four hours straight. Most days, she would rather leave the house in sweatpants and earbuds to block out everyone around her. She is no longer actively looking for love. If anything, she is avoiding it.

She doesn’t even try anymore because she hates herself and loves herself. She turns down dates because she knows she deserves better and because she doesn’t think she deserves the person at all. Because she doesn’t want the stress of dating and because she doesn’t want to be loved back. She is rewarding herself and punishing herself by staying single.

She doesn’t even try anymore because she is sick of putting in one-sided effort that is never reciprocated. She doesn’t have the energy to chase after someone who keeps running in a different direction. It’s pointless anyway. Even if she managed to latch onto them, nothing good would come from it. The most she would get is a kiss, a one-night stand, an almost relationship. She would never get the kind of happily ever after that she used to daydream about every single night back when she was still young and naive.

She doesn’t even try anymore because she has lost hope of finding someone who will treat her right. Who will answer her texts as soon as he sees them. Who will delete his dating apps. Who will introduce her to his family. Who will say goodbye to his bachelor days in exchange for a chance at monogamy. 

When it comes to dating, she doesn’t even try anymore because she has no idea how well someone is going to treat her one day. She has no clue what cupid has in store for her.