I used to be the girl who would stare at someone from across the room and hope that they would walk over to talk to me.
I used to be the girl who would compulsively check my phone to see if the person I prayed would text me sent a message yet.
I used to be the girl who would hint about how bored I was or how badly I wanted to see a certain movie so the other person would ask me out.
I used to be the girl who wouldn’t show any interest in the other person, and then would get upset when they didn’t kiss me goodnight or hug me hello.
I am no longer that girl, because I realized that hoping for something to happen without taking any action is never going to get me anywhere. I need to make my feelings known. I need to take risks, put myself out there, wear my heart on my sleeve.
Now, if I feel like talking to you, then I will cross the room and start a conversation instead of expecting you to take the initiative.
If I have something to tell you, I will send out a text instead of waiting for you to reach out to me first.
If I want to see you, then I will ask you if you’re free over the weekend instead of hinting about being free myself.
If I want to kiss you, then I will lean in close to you instead of hoping you can read my mind and will magically do what I want you to do.
From now on, I am not going to hold myself back from saying what is in my head. I am not going to resist the temptation to chase after what I want. I am not going to sit on my ass and hope for good things to come to me instead of going out and getting them.
Making the first move can feel uncomfortable, but it is something I am compelled to do, because I am sick of the what ifs. I am tired of watching people walk away and wondering whether we would have worked as a couple. Wondering whether they ever felt the same way about me. Wondering if I should have done something differently.
I don’t want to live a life filled with regrets, which is why I am no longer afraid to make the first move. I would rather get turned down and be embarrassed for a few minutes than spend a lifetime kicking myself for being such a coward.
I would rather know how you feel about me for sure than overanalyze your texts to try to figure it out. I would rather admit how I feel about you than wonder whether you have been reading my signals correctly.
I would rather make the first move and get shot down than stay silent and watch you walk away anyway. I would rather try. I would rather give us a fighting chance.