If I Like You Enough, I Will Let You Treat Me Like Shit

Girl who feels like a second choice
Unsplash / Sarah Diniz Outeiro

If I like you enough, then I will wait days for you to answer my texts. I might complain about you during the wait, I might make empty threats to my friends about how I am finally finished with you, but the second that you text me back I will become putty in your hands again. I will forget about how shitty it felt to wonder what you were choosing to do instead of answering me. I will talk to you as if you did nothing wrong.

If I like you enough, then I will rearrange my schedule to see you. When you cancel plans with me at the last second, I will be upset about the time I wasted showering and shaving for you, but the disappointment won’t stop me from getting my hopes up again in the future. It won’t stop me from agreeing to hang out with you again, even though there’s a risk that you will repeat the mistake. Even though there is a chance that you’ll keep chipping off pieces of my heart until there’s nothing left to share.

If I like you enough, then I will act like it doesn’t bother me when you flirt with other girls. I will pretend that I didn’t notice the drunken pictures you shared on your snap story and the comments you left on her page. I will keep flirting with you as if I am your only one. I will keep telling myself that I am the exception. That there is something between us that is so much stronger than whatever your relationship is with the rest of those girls.

If I like you enough, then I will stop looking at my other options. I will turn down anyone else who asks me out. I won’t even look in their direction. I will stay loyal to you, even though we aren’t in a relationship yet and it is clear that you have been going out with other girls.

If I like you enough, then I will forget that I have standards. I will look past every single red flag. I will let you get away with anything. I will let you treat me like shit.

I know how unhealthy my way of thinking is. I know I need to raise my standards. I know I deserve more. I know I should only be interested in boys who hold open doors for me and keep their promises and text back within a reasonable amount of time.

I know that the next time you take days to answer my texts, I should leave them unread. I know the next time you cancel plans, I should tell you that I’m too busy to hang out any other day. I know that I should move on with my life. I know that I should tell you to go fuck yourself.

I know that you are no good for me, but for some reason, I’m still having a lot of trouble getting over you. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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