Thought Catalog

I Am Never Going To Be Friends With Someone Who Broke My Heart

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Girl who had her heart broke
Unsplash / Anika Huizinga

I would love to take the high road. To keep texting you. To keep hanging out with you. To sweep the past beneath the rug and act like I am completely fine with everything that happened between us.

The last thing I want is to look like the girl who can’t get over it. The girl who is too bitter to stay friends.

But, the problem is, there is no possible way that I can stay friends with you.

I will never be able to text you without wondering who is hanging out with you on the other side of the phone. I will never be able to like your Instagram photos without stalking every other person in the picture with you. I will never be able to grab dinner with you without feeling the lingering sexual tension between us and wishing things turned out differently.

I will never be able to be friends with you, because you are more than a friend to me. You’re someone I kissed. Someone I shared my bed with. Someone I pictured a future alongside. Maybe you were my friend back then, back when you texted me every morning and made me laugh until tears came — but things aren’t going to be like that anymore. You chose to change things. When you chose to end the relationship, you were also choosing to end the friendship. The two things went together, whether you realized it or not.

I’m deleting you from my contact list. Deleting you from my camera roll. Deleting you from all my social media pages. I’m erasing every trace of you from my universe and I’m not going to feel guilty about it.

I don’t want you to think that I am cutting you out of my life because I’m pissed at you, but you know what? I am pissed. I’m pissed that we didn’t work out. I’m pissed that you decided to screw me over. I’m pissed that you hurt me when I believed you would never do such a thing.

I’m pissed that our relationship ended this way and maybe that’s okay.

Maybe it’s okay that I don’t want to be the person you text after you come home from a date with the girl who comes after me. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t want to be the person you flirt with when you’re bored. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t want to be the person you try to sleep with casually after you’ve had a bad day and need a release. Maybe it’s okay that I’m doing the selfish thing by removing you from my world.

And maybe I am bitter. Maybe I am too immature to take the high road. Or maybe I’m too smart to put up with your bullshit for any longer. Maybe I want to start fresh. Maybe I want a chance to live my life without you.

After all, you sucked at being my boyfriend. I doubt you’d make a much better friend. But I’m not going to stick around to find out. TC mark

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