You need to take care of yourself. You need to be selfish at times. You need to make the decisions that are best for yourself. You need to start putting yourself ahead of everyone else.
Loving yourself isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, it is going to make you feel like an asshole.
You are going to feel like an asshole when you kick toxic people out of your life. When you decide that someone you have a long history with belongs in your past but not in your future. They might accuse you of being ungrateful for everything they’ve done for you. They might say that you are being overdramatic and try to guilt you into keeping them around. They might not understand that you need a fresh start, that you deserve to surround yourself with people who actually treat you right.
You are going to feel like an asshole when you tell your friends that you aren’t in the mood to go out drinking with them on a weeknight. They might get mad at you for ditching them. They might call you flaky. They might get tired of your excuses and slowly stop asking you to hang out with them. They might not understand that you have a lot on your plate and that it is better for you to rest for a few hours than to put on a fake smile and hang out with them for their benefit.
You are going to feel like an asshole when you tell someone sweet that you don’t want to keep dating them. When you admit that there wasn’t a real spark and that you need more from a relationship than they are able to give you. They might call you too picky. They might accuse you of leading them on. They might cry their eyes out in front of you and make you feel like a total bitch for breaking their heart. They might not understand that you did what was best for them by leaving them instead of acting like you had feelings that never existed in the first place.
You are going to feel like an asshole when you accept a compliment for the first time instead of shaking your head in disagreement. You are going to feel weird saying, “I know” when someone calls you attractive. Some people might call you cocky for seeing your own beauty. They might think that you are full of yourself. They might not realize how remarkable it is that you see your own worth instead of finding more and more ways to criticize yourself like you used to do every damn day.
You are going to feel like an asshole for putting yourself first instead of making yourself miserable by doing what other people want you to do. You are going to feel like an asshole after you first start taking better care of yourself, after you first learn to love yourself. But it is something you have to do. It is something that will change your world.