What Ran Through Her Mind When She Saw You Again

A girl who saw her ex again
Unsplash / Elijah Hiett

When she saw you again, she had a minor meltdown that you never noticed because she kept her cool on the outside. She looked completely normal. Completely fine.

But inside, she wasn’t sure what she should do — whether she should walk up to you and say hello as if nothing ever happened, whether she should ask awkward questions that would give her closure, or whether she should run the other way and act like she didn’t even see you there to avoid a conversation altogether.

There was a second when she wasn’t sure whether talking to you would be a good idea. She was worried that spending time with you would send her back to square one, that it would make getting over you even harder than it has already been — and it’s been fucking hard in the first place.

When you finally noticed her, the girl who would have done anything for you until you threw it all away, she wondered what you were thinking. She wondered if you thought she looked pretty. She wondered if you thought she looked happy. She wondered if you missed her or regretted losing her or were happy you dodged a bullet with her.

Even though she was silently suffering, she tried her best to seem like seeing you didn’t bother her. To come across like she was the bigger person, the person who would offer you a smile and maybe even a hug, even though you didn’t deserve a second more of her time.

But a funny thing happened after she got through the awkwardness of first seeing you. For a second, everything felt the same way that it used to feel. The conversation came easy. The flirting came naturally. She remembered what it felt like to laugh at your jokes, to stare into your eyes, to get butterflies from your smile. She remembered what it felt like to love you.

But she also remembered how badly you hurt her. She remembered all of the times when you disappointed her. When you lied to her, when you avoided her, when you made excuses to stay on good terms with her. She remembered all of the nights when you caused her to stay up late. To cry. To question her own worth.

She remembered how many times her friends told her she could do better than you. She remembered how many times she almost texted you, and then decided that it was better to keep away from you. She remembered how many times she swore that she would never go back to you again.

When she saw you again, she experienced a brief moment of missing you, of wishing that things had turned out differently, but she ultimately realized that she is better off now, without you. She realized that she deserves more than you were ever willing to give her.

Seeing you again hurt — but it also gave her the closure she needed to move on from you. To accept that you don’t belong together. That you only belong in her past. TC mark

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