I keep my distance from most people. I don’t let myself get close to anyone. I try not to get too invested.
I’m not the kind of person who says I love you before getting to know you. I’m not the kind of person who daydreams about marriage after the first date. I’m not the kind of person who uses words like soulmate and forever.
I have high standards for myself and for everyone around me. I don’t get attached easily. So if I make an effort with you by texting first and dropping compliments and inviting you out, then that means you actually matter to me. It means you are an exception.
Most people won’t see that vulnerable side of me. They will have their texts ignored because I don’t feel like answering. They will hear me make excuses for why I can’t hang out today, and no, not tomorrow either.
I will push most people out of my life before they really get to know me. I will keep my secrets close to my chest so that no one discovers the truth. I will try my hardest to form a protective bubble around me, keeping out anyone who could hurt me.
I’m not the kind of person who is always in a relationship. I’m not the kind of person who tells strangers my life story. I’m not the kind of person who is comfortable wearing my heart on my sleeve.
For me, little acts of kindness are actually huge steps. It’s a big deal if I put on nice clothes and travel to see you instead of telling you I’m too busy to hang out. It’s a big deal if I text back in two seconds instead of forgetting my phone has any notifications. It’s a big deal if I lean in for a hug instead of awkwardly waving goodbye to you. I don’t do those things with most people. I don’t let myself get close to people.
If I actually make an effort with you, then you must be important to me. You must have made an impact. You must be different from the rest.
If I actually make an effort with you, then I’m hoping that you will make an effort with me, too. I’m hoping that you will feel the same way that I feel. I’m hoping that you will help me see that trusting others isn’t always the worst idea.
If I actually make an effort with you, I hope you don’t take my kindness for granted. I hope you don’t assume that I flirt with everyone like this — because that is far from the truth.
Most of the time, I have no problem cutting people out of my life. I feel like the world is easier when I am walking alone.
But I’m making an effort with you, because you are worth it. Because, even though I hate pretty much everyone around me, you’re one of the rare people that I actually want around.