I am slowly learning to stop giving a fuck about people who couldn’t care less about me. I am not meant to bend over backwards for a one-sided love. I am not supposed to be putting in all of my effort into unhealthy relationships. If someone makes it clear that I am not a priority, I do not have to give them another chance. I do not have to keep giving and giving until I have no love left for myself.
I am slowly learning that rules are meant to be broken. I do not have to wait an hour to text someone back. I do not have to pretend that I am emotionless to come across as strong. I can say what I want. I can do what I want. I can create my own rules to follow.
I am slowly learning to stop giving a fuck about things that cause me needless stress. If someone treats me poorly, I don’t have to put forth all of my energy to set things right with them. I am not in charge of saving them, of redirecting their life. I am allowed to cut them out of my life. I am allowed to say goodbye to anyone who makes my days harder than they have to be, who causes me more pain than happiness.
I am slowly learning that my opinion is the only one of value. I get to decide who I want to be. What I want to stand for. Where I want my career to lead. I can listen to the opinions of my most trusted friends and family members, but I am under no obligation to do what they believe is best for me. I am allowed to choose my own path. I am in complete control over my own fate.
I am slowly learning that the truth shouldn’t feel so uncomfortable. Instead of pretending that I am fine when someone asks, I can list out all of the reasons why I have been struggling to sleep at night. Instead of building a wall around my heart, I can release my emotions into the world. Opening myself up will help me more than hurt me.
I am slowly learning that speaking my mind does not make me impolite. It makes me authentic. I am allowed to tell someone when they crossed the line. I am allowed to say no. I do not have to hold my feelings back anymore. I do not have to bottle everything up inside until I explode. I have the right to feel how I feel — and I have a right to express those things.
I am slowly learning that my forgiveness does not have to be given freely. Even though forgiving someone else might give me peace of mind, it is okay to be bitter. It is okay to feel sick every time I think of a certain someone. It is okay that I am not ready to accept what they have done to me. It is okay that I need more time.
I am slowly learning that I am allowed to be selfish. So from now on, I am going to choose what makes brings me happiness and I am not going to waste a moment feeling bad about it.