I am not the kind of person who will wait an hour to send a text to increase the sexual tension. Who will turn down plans and pretend to be busy in order to make you want me more. Who will act like you mean nothing to me, when in reality, I haven’t stopped thinking about you.
I am not going to play hard to get. I am not going to make you chase me. I am not going to lie to you about what I stand for in order to look cool. I’m not cool. I’m awkward and I’m outspoken and I’m going to be honest with you because I see no sense in hiding behind walls.
When I want to have a conversation with you, I’m going to send the first text without wondering how it’s going to make me look. When I have something to say, I’m going to say it without thinking twice.
I don’t care if I seem desperate. I don’t care if I seem clingy, needy, overly attached. If you think that it is inappropriate for me to be blunt about my feelings, to be honest about the fact that I actually give a shit about you, then you are the one with the problem. You are the one who is going to struggle through life, because you will keep your emotions bottled inside until one day it breaks you.
I shouldn’t have to hold myself back from liking your photos because you might realize I’m into you. I shouldn’t have to time how long it’s been since I’ve last messaged you to avoid looking psycho. I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m fine going weeks without talking to you when I’m secretly dying to hear from you again.
It shouldn’t be taboo to admit that I have strong feelings for someone. My honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability should be embraced.
After all, I like you. I don’t want to make you feel shitty by sending mixed signals, by making you question every move I make. I don’t want you to wonder if you’re not good enough for me, if I’m only flirting with you for the fun of it. I have been on that side of the fence and it sucks. I don’t want to put anyone through that — especially not someone I’m interested in dating.
I would rather be honest with you. I would rather wear my heart on my sleeve, even though there is a chance that it might become bruised. But I am willing to take that risk, because it’s better than playing pretend for a lifetime. It’s better than calculating every move I’m going to make instead of just being my true self.
I am not the kind of person who will pretend to care less, because there is enough self-doubt and self-hatred in this world. Even if you don’t return my feelings, I want you to know how loved you are. I want you to know that you matter.