Your actions never matched your words. You claimed that you weren’t her boyfriend, that you weren’t ready for a real relationship and you wanted to stay single, but then you turned around and acted like you were dating her anyway.
You did everything that a boyfriend would do. You introduced her to your friends and invited her to join the group on drunken weekends. You texted her all day long and hung out with her whenever you had the chance. You snuggled with her inside of your bedroom, you kissed her straight on the lips, and you slept with her more than once or twice.
You treated her like she was already your girlfriend — but you refused to part from your single status. You stayed stubborn. You stayed a bachelor.
You refused to admit that there was something real between the two of you. You refused to take a chance and let her fully into your heart. You decided to hurt her because you were too afraid of getting hurt yourself.
If you agreed to date her, nothing would have changed. At least, nothing between the two of you would have changed. You were already acting like a couple. Everyone in your life already knew about her. If you graduated from just friends to officially dating, nothing would be different.
The only thing that would have changed was the way that you behaved when she wasn’t around. You wouldn’t be able to flirt with other girls behind her back anymore. You would have to stop looking for new people to hook up with on weekends. You would be stuck with her, your options would no longer be open.
And you would no longer be able to get away with leaving her hanging. You wouldn’t have a good excuse for bailing on plans with her or for spending the holidays without her. You wouldn’t be able to yell at her when she got jealous and claim that she’s not your girlfriend and she has no right to tell you what to do.
You would have to stop being so damn selfish. You would actually have to grow the fuck up. You would actually have to treat her right.
But since you weren’t ready for that kind of responsibility, you left her wondering what she did wrong. You made her believe that she was good enough to kiss behind closed doors, good enough to text until midnight, good enough to keep you occupied for the time being, but not good enough to be your girlfriend.
You lowered her self-worth, tortured her with false hope, muddled her idea of love.
You never actually dated her, because you wanted to feel guilt-free when you left her behind. Because, without a label, you could accuse her of overreacting when you said goodbye and still pretend you were the good guy.
But your plan backfired, because even though you were never an official item, she still fell for you. You still broke her heart. You still hurt a girl who never deserved it.