Why You Suck At Relationships, Based On Your Birth Order

sisters discussing birth order
God & Man

Oldest Child

You like to be the boss. To order everyone else around. If your person doesn’t do the dishes the first time you ask or fold the laundry the right way, then you throw a fit, because you hate when people don’t follow your advice. You can also take your teasing a little too far. Sometimes you make fun of your person over something you think is harmless, but accidentally end up hurting their feelings. You never realize when your playfulness crosses the line until it’s too late.

Middle Child

You make a joke out of everything. You are never serious, even when your person wants to sit down and have an adult conversation with you. You are also terrified of rejection, of the possibility of letting yourself be vulnerable with someone and then getting your heart broken. That’s why you usually close yourself off. You push other people away even though all you want to do is pull them closer. You’re doing it to protect yourself. To avoid having to deal with heartbreak again.

Youngest Child

You want someone to take care of you. To cook for you. To clean for you. To buy you pretty things and shower you with compliments. Basically, you are expecting to get more than you give. You are expecting to be treated like royalty while you sit there and watch from the sidelines. You can also be a little too sensitive at times. You don’t like when people raise their voice at you and cry over ‘silly’ things — and that makes it hard to have serious relationship talks with you.

Only Child

You are comfortable being alone because you grew up that way. That’s why it’s so hard for you to deal with having someone by your side 24/7. Honestly, it drives you nuts. Sometimes, you just want to be left alone with a book or your Netflix account or your own thoughts. You don’t want someone yapping into your ear while you’re trying to get work done. And you aren’t used to having to share your leftovers and your razor and your bathroom. It’s all new to you.

Twin

You have a close relationship with your family and friends, which is why you never put your relationship before them. That is mostly a good thing, except it can make your person feel neglected. Like they don’t mean enough to you. Like they will never be the most important person in your life. When you constantly ditch your boyfriend to pick up your drunk sibling or help your mother buy groceries, it makes your person feel like a second choice. And honestly, they’re worried they’ll never be able to pull you away from the nest and start a real life with you. TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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