Seriously, Stop Blaming Your Ex For Your Shitty Attitude

Girl angry at her ex
Unsplash / Sawyer Bengtson

I’m sick of being led on by someone, of getting into an almost relationship with someone, and then finding out that they aren’t ready for another relationship because they just got out of a bad one. Because their ex fucked them up and they are scared of getting hurt again.

Maybe your ex made it hard for you to trust again, to feel again, to love again. Maybe your ex is the reason why you are struggling with your emotions, why you are having so much trouble settling down with someone new. 

But no matter what your ex did — whether they cheated on you with your best friend or lied to your face for months or walked out on you after several years together without any real explanation — it doesn’t justify your shitty behavior.

Your past doesn’t give you an excuse to go around, breaking other hearts. It doesn’t give you a free pass to act like an asshole.

I understand that you’re still hurting, but don’t take your anger at an ex out on me. Don’t throw your baggage onto my back and watch me squirm.

I’m sorry that you have been through rough times. I really am. But everyone has experienced heartache. Everyone has felt betrayed before. Everyone has felt disappointed before. Everyone has felt that revolting mixture of misery and confusion and rage before.

It’s happened to me, too. I have had my heart torn to shred by someone that I trusted. I have questioned whether or not love lasts. I have been fucked up. 

But I have never used my trust issues to treat people like shit. I have never made other people, good people, suffer for the pain that my ex put me through. 

If you aren’t ready for a real relationship, that’s fine. I’m okay with that. Just don’t trick me into thinking that our relationship is going to turn into something serious when you have no plans of that ever happening. Don’t lead me on when you know that you want different things than I do.

If you aren’t ready to put yourself out there again, then don’t flirt with me. Don’t text me nonstop and tell me I’m pretty and complain about missing me when it’s been too long since we’ve seen each other. Don’t make me fall hard for you and assume that you share those feelings.

If you aren’t ready for another relationship, don’t pretend that you are. Don’t get this close to becoming my person and then back away.

Instead of leading me on, step away from me and give yourself some time to move on. Enjoy your alone time. Focus on work. Travel around. Or find a fuck buddy, someone who knows your intentions from the start.

But please don’t waste your time with me when you know it’ll only end in heartbreak on my side. Please don’t do the exact same thing to me that you hate your ex for doing to you. 

I’m sorry that your ex fucked you up. But that doesn’t give you the right to fuck me up. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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