You Are Ruining My Life

sad girl with ruined life
Unsplash / Jiří Wagner

You are ruining my life, because I can’t concentrate on anything other than you. I have trouble focusing on reading, on writing, on getting my work done — all because my thoughts are centered on you. On what you said to me last night. On what you might say to me this morning.

And on the rare occasions when I actually pull myself together and manage to focus on a task for more than two seconds, I’ll get a notification from you and then I’m back to square one. Focusing on you and only you. Ignoring the rest of the world around me.

I can’t get anything done, because you pull my attention away from the important things in life. It’s not your fault, of course. It’s mine.

I’m so obsessed with you that I’m unable to think straight. I’m unable to function.

Instead of remembering to text back my best friend, I’m waiting for your next message to come through the phone. Instead of doing research for the project I should be working on, I’m getting distracted and searching through your social media. Instead of thinking about all of the chores I should finish, I’m thinking about all of the things that I want to do to you.

You are ruining my life, because you’re becoming the only thing that I care about. You’re the only person I want to get a text from in the morning. You’re the only person I want to hang out with in the evening. You’re the only person on my radar right now, the only person occupying my brain.

Even when you aren’t in the room, you’re the only thing I’m thinking about. Even when I’m not with you, I’m wishing that I was with you.

You are ruining my life, because you’re turning me into someone that I never wanted to be.

I never wanted to be the girl who kept checking her phone while out with friends, because she was waiting for his reply. I never wanted to be the girl who tried on three outfits before leaving the house, because she wanted his attention. I never wanted to be the girl who dropped everything for some boy, who made her entire world about his world.

But now, that’s exactly who I am.

My feelings for you are ruining my life. You are ruining my life.

You are making it impossible for me to do basic things. I can’t walk down the street without seeing something that reminds of you. I can’t read a single page without my mind drifting off again, daydreaming about us.

Every song I hear makes me think of you. Every movie I watch makes me think of you. Every little thing makes me think of you. It is absolutely ridiculous. Embarrassing. Foolish.

But I can’t help it. I like you that much. So much that my mind has trouble latching onto anything else.

You are completely ruining my life — because you are so damn perfect. TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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