Pick The Person Who Helps You Through A Loved One’s Death

Unsplash / Tom Pumford

Date someone who genuinly means it when they tell you how sorry they are.

Date someone who lets you cry your eyes out, who lets you scream your lungs out — and doesn’t judge you for it. Someone who understands that everyone mourns in a different way and gives you the freedom to say what you need to say.

Date someone who will listen to you talk about your loved one for hours on end without interrupting or getting annoyed. Someone who will let you show them photographs and explain the littlest details about what happened that day — but will also understand when you want to stay quiet and stop talking about it. When you need some time to yourself.

Date someone who doesn’t try to act like they understand what you’re going through. Someone who doesn’t drown you in phrases like it’s better off this way or they wouldn’t want you to cry. Someone who understands cliches will never be enough to numb the pain. Someone who knows that sometimes the best thing to do is hold you close and let you cry through the silence.

Date the person who promises to take off from work to attend the wake and funeral. Someone who doesn’t care if they get in trouble with their boss or miss important meetings, because you matter so much more to them. Because they would drop everything and anything to be there for you.

Date someone who considers your pain their pain. Someone who considers your family their family.

Date someone who is torn apart over the fact that a family member or friend you loved dearly has passed away — even if they weren’t anywhere near as close to that person as you were. Even if they never even had the chance to meet them. Even if all they know about them is what you’ve told them.

Date someone who hugs you close when you cry. Who hugs your mother close when she cries. Who treats your family with as much love as they treat you.

Date someone who isn’t only there during the good times, when your smile is as wide as your heart. Date someone who sticks with you through the rough times, the uncomfortable times, the times when it would be easier for them to leave — but they would never dream of doing that. The thought of abandoning you would never even cross their mind. Because they would rather be with you than anywhere else.

Date someone who helps you through your loved one’s death. Someone who makes the unbearable a tiny bit easier. Who makes you feel like you aren’t alone during the worst days of your life.

Date someone who gets sick to their stomach when they see you cry — but would never ever let that stop them from being there for you. Always. Forever. TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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