Never Forgive That Abusive Asshole

woman thinking
Unsplash / Yoann Boyer

I don’t care if he’s different when he wakes up the next day. I don’t care if he cries his eyes out in the morning, telling you how sorry he is and how it’s never going to happen again. How he never wants to lose you because you’re the most important thing in his life.

I don’t care how sincere his apologies sound. I don’t care how you know deep in your gut that he would never hurt you on purpose. I don’t care if he claims the only reason he got so mad in the first place is because he loves you so much.

I don’t care who he blames. If he blames his parents for the way he grew up. If he blames you for provoking him. Or if he actually takes responsibility for once and blames himself. It doesn’t matter. His reasons don’t matter. Only his actions matter.

I don’t care if he can’t remember exactly what he said. I don’t care if the memories are fuzzy, because he was too high to think straight. He still did what he did. He’s not a different person when he’s sober versus when he’s drunk. He’s still the same man. He’s still the same abusive prick.

I don’t care how much you love him. I don’t care if you feel like you can’t live without him. I don’t care if you’re convinced that you’ll never find someone else who puts up with you the way that he does.

I don’t even care if leaving him means you’ll be broke and homeless. I don’t care if leaving him means you’ll have to move back in with your parents or that your kid will have to grow up in a divided household. I don’t care what your reasons for staying for so long are, because they’re all bullshit.

You need to leave. You need to save yourself.

Because today it’s a bruised cheek, tomorrow it will be a broken wrist, and in a month you’ll be in a body bag.

I know it’s not as easy as it sounds. I know that everyone keeps telling you to just leave, but it’s more complicated than that. There’s more to it than that.

I know that it’s going to be tough to uproot the life that you’ve made with him and create a new one on your own. I know it’s going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

But you have to find a way out of there. You have to find a way to be happy again.

You shouldn’t have to be scared inside of your own home. You shouldn’t have to flinch whenever he raises his voice or heads to the fridge for another beer. You shouldn’t have to lie to your friends and family about all the fights and cover your marks with extra makeup.

You shouldn’t have to deal with his abuse. You don’t deserve to deal with his abuse.

You deserve a healthy love. And if you can’t find that, then you’re better off alone. You’re better off learning to love yourself than trying to convince an abusive asshole to love you right.

You’re better off leaving him behind. TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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