I can never tell when someone has feelings for me, even if it’s glaringly obvious to everyone around me. I confuse friendliness for flirtatiousness and vice versa.
How could I possibly figure out how someone else feels when I rarely even know how I feel myself?
That’s why I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me I look nice instead of insinuating it by the way you stare at me. I need you to tell me that you miss me instead of hinting at it. I need you to be blunt.
If you like me, then you can’t text me nonstop one week and then ignore my messages for the next week. You can’t tell me that you can’t believe I’m still single and then backtrack and act like the compliment meant nothing.
I don’t understand mixed signals. I don’t even understand clearcut signals.
So if you want to be with me, you have to make it obvious. You have to make honesty your priority.
If you’re going to ask me to the movies or out to grab food with you, go all the way. Don’t half-ass the question by calling it hanging out. You have to call it a date.
Otherwise, I’ll be texting friends and sending them screenshots of our conversation, trying to figure out what it means. I’ll put on a dress and feel like it’s too fancy and then switch to jeans and feel like it’s too casual. I won’t know how to act around you. I won’t know if you feel the same way.
I have a low opinion of myself, so I never assume that someone likes me. I assume the opposite. That they are just being nice. That they are just flirty people. That I mean nothing to them.
I am so bad at reading signals that even after you pull me close and kiss me, I won’t know how you feel. I’ll wonder if you want a relationship or a one-night stand. If you can’t wait for another kiss or already regret it.
I need everything spelled out for me. I need someone to look me in the eyes and explain how much they care about me and how they want to be with me and only me. Otherwise I’ll never believe that it’s the truth.
If I’m being honest, I’ll probably need those same reassurances even after the relationship becomes official. I’ll need you to remind me that you still care. I’ll need you to tell me that you’re happy we’re together, that you’re still as in love with me as you were when we first met, because otherwise I’ll assume your feelings have changed.
My low self-esteem makes it hard to believe someone cares. It makes it hard to accept someone else’s affection.
It’s why I can never take a hint. So if you want to be with me, you’re going to have to be honest with me.