You Didn’t Deserve To Die

Twenty20 / genna.contento

Most of the time, I can deal with your death. I can hold back the tears and accept that you’re gone.

I force myself to believe the cliche words that get thrown around, about how only the good die young and how God takes His favorites first. About how it was your time and how everything happens for a reason.

But sometimes, that silver linings attitude fades away and all I can feel is anger. Hurt. Betrayal.

I’m sorry that I can’t be strong all the time. That there are days when I question my faith. Days when I hate the world and every person inside of it. Days when I’m bitter about the way life turned out.

I’m sorry that I can’t walk around with unflinching hope when I know how shitty this world is. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I’m sorry I carry so much anger inside.

I’m pissed, because you left your family behind. You left people who still needed your love, your voice, your hugs, your kisses. People who cared about you more than they cared about themselves. People who would do anything to have one more minute with you.

I’m pissed, because I keep seeing these shitty people running around without a care in the world, living for decades longer than you had the chance to. Because the goodness in your heart should have earned you more days, months, years.

I’m pissed, because you deserved better. You deserved to celebrate more milestones. You deserved to see the people around you grow up. You deserved to grow old yourself and pass away peacefully in your sleep after ninety years of living your best life.

I’m pissed, because it’s not fair. That sounds whiny to say, childish, but it’s the truth. What happened to you wasn’t fair. What happened to your family wasn’t fair. Nothing about your death was fair.

I miss you. And I hate that I miss you, because I shouldn’t have to. I should be able to call you up. I should be able to knock on your door. I should be able to see you face-to-face anytime I want.

You should still be here, right now, sending me texts to ask how I’ve been doing. You should still be here, right now, giving me a reason to laugh instead of cry. You should still be here, right now, alive and well.

No matter how many cliches are thrown at me about how only the good die young, no matter how many of those sayings I choose to believe to find some semblance of comfort, I will always believe that your death was bullshit.

I will always believe that there was some sort of mistake, that you didn’t deserve it. 

I will always believe that you deserved so much more. TC mark

Severe(d) is a creepy poetry collection by Holly Riordan
that glows in the dark! Get your copy here.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://nifymag.com/you-didnt-deserve-to-die/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die | Nifymag.com

    […] Source link […]

  • http://www.viralarm.com/en/you-didnt-deserve-to-die/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die – Viralarm

    […] Source link […]

  • http://sunshineangelsandrainbows.com/2017/06/08/you-didnt-deserve-to-die/ You Didn’t Deserve to Die | Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows

    […] You Didn’t Deserve to Die […]

  • https://kawaneehamilton.wordpress.com/2017/06/09/how-i-feel-you-didnt-deserve-to-die-reblogged/ How I feel: You didn’t deserve to die…. reblogged – Kawanee's Korner
  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/07/your-death-still-doesnt-feel-real/ Your Death Still Doesn’t Feel Real | Thought Catalog

    […] death still doesn’t feel real, because it’s the most unfair thing I’ve ever […]

  • https://virtualbeth.wordpress.com/2017/07/29/you-didnt-deserve-to-die-by-holly-riordan/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die, by Holly Riordan | Traveling with Virtual Beth

    […] am sharing something Holly Riordan wrote. I’ll go back to posting images tomorrow. Here is a link to the original […]

  • http://mygreatminds.com/didnt-deserve-die/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die - Great Mind

    […] By Holly Riordan for ToughCatalog […]

  • https://terimoody1.wordpress.com/2017/09/02/you-didnt-deserve-to-die-thought-catalog/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die — Thought Catalog | TearBear

    […] via You Didn’t Deserve To Die — Thought Catalog […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/10/date-the-person-who-has-seen-you-at-your-lowest-point-and-still-stuck-around/ Date The Person Who Has Seen You At Your Lowest Point (And Still Stuck Around) | Thought Catalog

    […] someone who has seen you cry your eyes out over your cousin’s death, over your parent’s divorce, over your own self-hatred. Someone who has watched you sob so […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/10/how-your-heart-will-break-when-heaven-takes-away-a-cousin-you-were-close-to/ How Your Heart Will Break When Heaven Takes Away A Cousin You Were Close To | Thought Catalog

    […] about how it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense that they’re dead when you just saw them a little while ago. It doesn’t many any sense that someone as nice as […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/12/if-the-world-was-fair-you-would-still-be-alive/ If The World Was Fair, You Would Still Be Alive | Thought Catalog

    […] If the world was fair, then we wouldn’t have gotten a phone call that changed everything. We wouldn’t have gotten the worst news of our lives, news that changed us internally. We wouldn’t have had to watch your unfair, unnecessary death. […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/01/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death | Thought Catalog

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind […]

  • http://www.mo4ch.com/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death | Mo4ch News

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. […]

  • http://foursprout.com/happiness/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. […]

  • http://urdumasala.com/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death | UrduMasala

    […] have passed by and I’m nonetheless struggling to take care of your death. There are nonetheless moments the place I can’t consider you’re gone. I can’t wrap my […]

  • http://howtoknowmyfuture.com/2018/01/13/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death – How To Know My Future

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. […]

  • http://viralstuff.org/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death | Viral Stuff

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. […]

  • https://funnythingshere.xyz/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death – Funnythingshere.xyz

    […] have gone by and I’m struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my […]

  • https://dailythingss.com/2018/01/19/years-later-i-am-still-struggling-with-your-death/ Years Later, I Am Still Struggling With Your Death

    […] have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. […]

  • http://wonderfulmind.net/you-didnt-deserve-to-die/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die – Wonderful Mind

    […] By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog […]

  • http://zivotnakutija.com/index.php/2019/02/05/you-didnt-deserve-to-die/ You Didn’t Deserve To Die

    […] By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog […]

blog comments powered by Disqus