You’re supposed to be stuck in my head when I’m driving in my car and get stuck in traffic, when I’m curled up in bed and can’t fall asleep, when I’m scrolling through social media and see your name.
You’re supposed to be the person I think of when my mind has nothing else to focus on, when I have spare time meant for daydreaming.
But you’re in the front of my mind during the times when you should be in the back of it.
When I’m out with my friends, tossing back drinks at a restaurant.
When I’m sitting inside the movie theater, watching a film I’ve been waiting months to see.
When I’m on a hotel room bed or beach blanket, enjoying my vacation.
When I’m jumping around at a concert, listening to my favorite band scream on stage.
I think of you when I’m having the time of my life, during those exciting moments when I should be so distracted I forget you exist.
But all of those things that are meant to keep me busy and take my mind off of you only make me miss you more.
It’s because I wish you were right there beside me, ordering me a fruity drink from the waiter, squeezing my hand during the kissing scenes, rubbing suntan lotion on my back, holding my waist as we danced.
I wish that I could at least text you and tell you all about my adventures, send you all the cute pictures I took. Involve you in my life.
It’s not like it is in the movies. I’m not the most tempted to text you when I’m sitting on my bed with canceled plans, feeling sorry for myself. I want to talk to you the most when I have stories to tell, when I’m walking down city streets or sitting inside a cab, admiring the sights.
The more I do, the more I want you to see. I want to share it with you. And maybe I also want you to know that I have a life of my own, that things are going well for me, that I don’t need you in order to have a good time.
Except maybe I do, because even when I’m having the time of my fucking life, I’m thinking of how much better it would be if you were there. And I’m wondering what you’re doing instead of being there with me.
I keep trying to keep myself occupied, hoping that it will help me forget about you, but I guess it doesn’t matter how busy I am, because you always find a way into my mind.
I always end up thinking about you, whether I’m drunk or sober, whether I’m lonely or surrounded by people I love.
No matter what I do, you are always on my mind.