She has strong feelings, but she tries to hide them. To outrun them.
She thinks that if she acts like she doesn’t care about anyone, then eventually it will become the truth. That if she puts on the act for long enough, she’ll start to believe it herself.
She doesn’t want to fall. She isn’t looking for love. If anything, she’s trying to escape from love.
She is worried that, if she lets herself feel for someone, it will ruin everything. She’ll no longer look like the emotionless, independent badass that she wants everyone to see her as.
Love makes her feel weak. It makes her feel like she’s lost control, and she’s the type that always wants to be behind the wheel. She hates letting go. She doesn’t like surprises. She doesn’t like sitting back while someone else takes charge of her heart.
She’s worried that dating will turn her into the type of woman that she’s always found infuriating. The type that doesn’t shut up about her boyfriend, because it’s the only good thing in her life.
She doesn’t want a boy to become her entire world. She wants to live for more than love.
That’s why she scoffs at relationships. Turns down dates. Treats people she could actually see herself marrying like strangers that she couldn’t care less about. She’s only putting on an act.
She’s trying to protect herself. She wants to make sure that no one can ever hurt her, because she’s been screwed over too many times. She’s sick of it. And honestly, she doesn’t know if her heart can take anymore. One more disappointment might make her burst.
That’s why she cuts people off. She acts like she doesn’t care about anyone and that they don’t care about her. It’s a coping mechanism.
The strongest girls seem so hard, so impenetrable, because their skin is tough. It’s gotten that way by getting bruised over and over again. By getting hurt so many times that she’s lost track.
She thinks she’s doing the brave thing by isolating herself. She keeps making promises that she’ll stay single, because she assumes it’s easier to act numb than to act sensitive. She thinks she’s being brave by walking through this world alone.
But really, the brave thing would be to let others inside. To push past her fears and take a risk on someone special. To give them a fighting chance, even though they might shatter another piece of her.
The bravest thing she could possibly do is let her guard down.