You’re terrified of your own emotions. You can’t help it. You’ve been hurt before. Deeply. Irreversibly. And now, you’re worried that you’re going to end up falling again, even though you’re trying your hardest to stay standing.
That’s why you push opportunities away — you push people away. You build walls to protect your heart, hoping that it will stay in its cage without complaint. That it won’t long for freedom. For the chance to love again.
Even though your friends buy into your lone wolf act, fully believing that you’re happy on your own, you can admit the truth to yourself. Your master plan hasn’t been working. You still have feelings, even though they don’t show on your face. You still want companionship, even though you’ve been covering it up.
But that’s okay.
It’s scary to let someone else into your world. To trust that they won’t take your secrets and use them to their advantage. To hope that they’ll stick by your side instead of abandoning you after you’re officially attached.
But there’s someone out there that will make opening up seem less scary. Despite what you’ve heard, it’s not someone that’s going to break down your walls, chipping at the bricks one day at a time. It’s someone that you’re willingly going to deconstruct those walls for. It will be your choice. And you’ll make it happily.
Because you should never look for someone to save you and you should never look for someone to force down your walls, either. Find someone that makes you want to tear down your own walls.
Because those walls aren’t keeping the feelings out. They’re keeping the sadness locked inside. They’re keeping you in one place, and life is all about movement, change, growth.
You can’t date someone that you hide your darkness from, because you think the light is more attractive. You can’t build a life with someone that you’re afraid to be honest with, because they might decide you’re too damaged and walk away forever.
You need to date someone that makes you feel comfortable, even when you’re looking them in the eyes, slicing open your chest, and spilling your soul. Someone that you can open up to about anything — from your anxiety to your exes to your fears.
Someone that will listen with wide eyes when you say that you’re upset or angry or deeply in love. Someone that won’t accuse you of overthinking, but will nod their head to show you they understand — or, at least, they’re trying to understand.
So, keep those walls up if you have to, but at least build a door to let the right people through. Because you’re never going to experience the ecstasy of true love if you shut everybody out.