1. You stay far away from relationships.
You don’t have much experience dating, but your friends have been around. You’ve seen the way they’ve been hurt. How they’ve been cheated on and used and abused. You aren’t interested in going through the pain that they willingly endure.
2. You feel like you don’t have any friends.
You feel like you’re the least important member of the group. Like everyone would be able to survive without you. Like they wouldn’t even miss you if you turned down an invitation out. You always feel like you’re standing on the sidelines while everyone else is having fun — even when you’re in the same room as them.
3. You try your hardest to blend in.
You never want to be the center of attention, because you get uncomfortable when people stare. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. Like there’s food lodged in your teeth or a stain on your shirt. You never consider the possibility that they’re attracted to you or that they recognize you from somewhere. You assume the worst.
4. You contemplate death.
It’s not that you’re suicidal. But you don’t think the world would change much without you in it. You don’t think anyone would be genuinly disappointed if you disappeared. Existential crises are your specialty.
5. You become obsessed with strangers.
Your crush doesn’t even know your name, but you know everything about them. Their favorite music. Their favorite color. Their dog’s name. You’re not a stalker. You just pay attention to detail.
6. You experience detachment.
Sometimes, you feel like a monster, because you don’t cry when you’re supposed to and you laugh when you’re not supposed to. It’s like you don’t know how to behave as a functional human being. You feel like you’re an outsider looking in at the world.
7. You spend your time people watching.
You don’t feel the urge to stare at your phone when you’re alone. You prefer to watch the people around you. In fact, even when it looks like you’re busy listening to music with headphones in, you have the sound turned down so you can hear what passersby are talking about.
8. You avoid small talk whenever possible.
You’re observant, because there are so many fascinating people and places in this world. You don’t have time for the mundane. If someone tries to talk to you about the snow or the rain, you’ll tune them out. Small talk isn’t your area.
9. You stay quiet during group conversations.
It’s not that you have nothing to contribute. If someone directly asks for your opinion, you’ll have a well-informed answer. But when it’s up to you, you choose to remain silent. You’d rather listen to what everyone else has to say than join in on the fun.
10. You always have your laptop with you.
You’re the most comfortable on the internet. You can post anonymous rants on Tumblr and strangers will soothe you. You can swipe right on Tinder and then ignore the other person’s messages. You can lurk on Reddit chatrooms and no one will even know that you were there. You’re completely invisible and you love it.
11. You watch way too much TV.
Your Netflix queue is a mile long, because you feel as close to those characters as you feel to the people you personally know. No, you don’t exist in the televised world, but sometimes you feel like you don’t exist in this world either, so what’s the difference?