I don’t like you, because butterflies flutter through my stomach whenever you look at me. I don’t like you, because you send chills straight through to my spine. Unfortunately, you don’t do any of those things. The truth is, I only have a crush on you, because no one better is around.
1. I’m used to liking someone.
Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always have a crush on someone. I’m not some romantic who’s overly obsessed with love. I don’t think I need a relationship in order to survive. I just think it’s nice to have a cute guy to think about when I’m bored. To have a fun topic to gossip about with my friends about when we get together for drinks. To have someone sexy to masturbate to beneath the sheets. And right now, you’re that guy.
2. I know I deserve better.
You’re not my knight in shining armor, my other half, or any other cliché. You’re just some boy who happened to be in my line of sight when Cupid hit me with a flimsy new arrow. If I found someone better (and trust me, I’m looking), then I wouldn’t bother to daydream about you anymore. You’re just holding me over until the next guy comes around.
3. I’m a daydreamer at heart.
I daydream about getting interviewed on talk shows, even though I’m still at an entry-level job. I daydream about getting a penthouse apartment with picture windows overlooking the beach, even though I can barely afford a one-bedroom for me and my dog. And I daydream about going out on romantic, candlelit dates with men like you, even though you’re an asshole who doesn’t deserve a second of my time.
4. I love the idea of love.
I love thinking about long drives at midnight with the radio blasting and sex on the beach with sand in my hair and slipping into white lace dresses. But I don’t love you. You’re just the face I’m putting on my “dream man” in my fantasizes. I’ll either daydream about you or about James Franco, but at least I have a chance with you.
5. The competition isn’t fierce.
I know there are some good guys out there, but none of them are nearby. You aren’t competing with strong, sexy men who know how to treat a woman. You’re competing with a bunch of douchebags that want me to suck their dick and inflate their ego. You look amazing in comparison, but that’s not much of a compliment, is it?
6. I’m not the smartest when it comes to love.
My common sense isn’t as strong as my book smarts. Give me a math equation and I can figure out the solution in a matter of minutes, but if you put a cute boy in front of me, all of my logic will disappear. I’m not proud of it. I try to fight it. But it’s no use.
7. I don’t want anything real with you.
Don’t get too big of a head over the fact that I like you. I’m not interested in anything serious. We’re not going to get married or even text for more than a few months. Truth be told, I hope that you remain an unrequited crush. I don’t want to date you or even kiss you, because I know I’m better off without you.