1. Rush to the good stuff. If you start by telling them you want to watch them cum, there’s nowhere to go from there. That’s why you should start out like you would in real life–by engaging in foreplay. Talk about removing their clothing and kissing their chest and whispering in their ear. Then talk about fucking them senseless.
2. Ask, “And then what?” Don’t expect your partner to do all of the talking. Sexting is meant to mimic a conversation. You say what you want to do and then they respond with what they want to do. If they already took their turn and you keep pushing them to say more, they’ll get fed up. They don’t want to tell an entire story on their own. They want to hear from you, too.
3. Use the word vajayjay or member. Don’t speak like a romantic novelist. It’ll ruin the mood if you talk about putting a member in your mouth. Just say penis. Or dick. Cursing is encouraged.
4. Use improper grammar. Intelligence is a turn-on. Stupidity is a turn-off. You have enough time to write out “before,” so don’t use chatspeak. It makes you look lazy and illiterate.
5. Send pictures. Just because they’re enjoying a conversation about your genitals doesn’t mean they actually want to see your genitals. Unless they ask you for a picture or strongly hint at it, then turn your camera app off.
6. Send voice clips. You can do anything on Snapchat now–even send voice clips in conversations. But that doesn’t mean you should do it. If your partner is trying to talk to you in private, they won’t want to play an inappropriate message for their roommate to overhear.
7. Type multiple paragraphs. Don’t go overboard. You shouldn’t send two-word replies, but you shouldn’t send multiple paragraphs, either. A few sentences should do the trick. Two or three of them.
8. Take an hour to respond. How the hell is your partner supposed to masturbate if it takes you sixty minutes to reply? Respond in a minute or two or put the conversation on hold. Sexting is meant to be a quick, back-and-forth thing.
9. Use emojis. Don’t use an eggplant emoji and water droplets when you could use your words to explain how you want to feel his semen dripping down your face. Most of the time, he won’t be able to figure out what your random series of emojis is meant to say. Even if he deciphers it somehow, there’s something creepy about sexualizing such cartoonish drawings.
10. Beg for nudes. It can’t hurt to ask once if you’re already having a steamy conversation and know they’re into you. But if it’s a no, it’s a no. Don’t pressure them. Don’t beg them. Don’t be an asshole.
11. Show your friends. There’s an unspoken agreement when someone sexts you. They’re expecting the conversation to be kept private. So don’t screenshot their messages. Don’t let your friends read through your phone. Show some respect.
12. Forget to masturbate. Getting horny is the whole point of sexting! Find somewhere private to touch yourself, so all that dirty talk doesn’t go to waste.