You like him. A lot. So you convince yourself that sex would be enough. That, since you’ll probably never get to date him, getting to spend the night with him is the second best thing. So when the opportunity to climb into bed with him arises, you decide to take it. Why wouldn’t you? Even if you don’t get a relationship out of the deal, you’ll at least get an orgasm. A story. A smile.
When you start to have doubts, you convince yourself that sleeping with him isn’t a big deal. That you can handle all of the emotions that sex will sweep to the surface. In fact, you don’t think that there will be any new emotions. You already like him. It can’t get any worse, right? So you might as well enjoy yourself. You might as well let loose and let your hormones run wild. Everyone has casual sex. If your friends can handle it, so can you.
And then you convince yourself that sleeping with him will be a stepping stone to a relationship. Even though every single sign points to the fact that he’s using you for sex, you still think he’ll decide that he wants to be in a serious relationship with you after seeing you naked. You tell yourself exactly what you need to hear in order to go through with fucking him. Because, as much as you claim you’re only interested in a fling, it’s not what you really want. You don’t want one night. You want every night.
You keep lying to yourself to convince yourself that he isn’t going to hurt you. You make yourself believe that, if he likes you enough to sleep with you, then he must like you enough to date you. That he’s just scared to admit how deeply he feels about you. That his player attitude is all for show. You don’t want to consider the truth. That you’re just another number to him.
But even though you successfully convinced yourself that casual sex wasn’t a big deal in the beginning, it becomes harder and harder to keep on believing it. After sex, your feelings get deeper while his feelings (or lack thereof) stay the same. He gets fucked. And you get screwed.
Eventually, you realize that casually sleeping with him was the worst thing you could’ve done. You don’t want him to think of you as a booty call or a one-night stand. You want him to think of you as girlfriend material.
And when the sex is over, when he’s done using you to fulfill his bodily needs, you don’t want him to leave. You want him to stay the night, shower with you, and wake up next to you to exchange I love yous.
Sleeping with him didn’t get him out of your system like you were hoping. It gave you a glimpse of what it would be like to date him and now it’s all you can think about. Now, you want him more than ever.