When It Comes To Dating, I Honestly Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing

Sarah Loven
Sarah Loven

If you’re single and struggling, don’t stress out. When it comes to dating, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Nobody does. We’re all just trying our best to navigate through the shit storm of modern relationships.

How the hell do we flirt?

Saying that flirting comes naturally is complete bullshit. Most of us have trouble expressing how we feel, because the “dating rules” that we’ve been taught conflict with one other. Some people tell us to play hard to get. Other people tell us to make the first move. So are we supposed to act like we couldn’t care less about the cutie we’re crushing on, or are we supposed to walk right up to them and see if they’d like to go on a date? It depends on who we ask, because everyone has a different piece of advice.

How the hell do we figure out how the other person feels?

It’s hard enough to tell when someone is flirting with us. Even if we crack the code, then there are still a million questions that need to be answered. For starters, what do they want from us? A one-night stand? An actual, honest to goodness relationship? Asking them for clarification is out of the question, so we’ll just have to search for clues and try to figure out the mystery on our own. Of course, that can waste hours of our time and chip away at our sanity. It’s unfair, but then again, nothing about modern dating is fair.

When the hell do we sleep with someone?

If we have sex on the first date, then we run the risk of scaring the other person away and being called a “slut.” But if we wait to sleep with someone we have chemistry with, we’re unnecessarily torturing ourselves. Besides, our date might get frustrated about the lack of physical contact and end up leaving us anyway. When our brains are telling us to wait and our guts are telling us to go for it, every move seems like the wrong move.

When the hell is it appropriate to admit how we feel?

Ted Mosby taught us to never say, “I love you” on a first date. But should we even admit that we have blossoming feelings for someone on a first date? Will giving a heartfelt compliment right away make us look crazy? Or will we look like an asshole if we try to play it cool, and end up ruining our chances of going on a second date? It’s hard to tell how much to reveal and when. We don’t want to look desperate, but we don’t want to look heartless, either.

How the hell do we take relationships to the next level?

We don’t want to look too pushy by repeatedly asking our Tinder matches to take us out to dinner, but we don’t want to be passive, either. If we don’t ask them to hang out in person, then they’ll always be a semi-stranger. After all, it’s impossible to have a relationship that consists entirely over the phone. We need to see the other person face-to-face, but it’s difficult to set up a date when we’re constantly struggling to say and do the right things. Trying not to scare the other person away is modern dating in a nutshell.

How the hell do we find something serious?

What if we’re sick of playing games and want something real? Our matches on Tinder are mostly looking for hookups. Strangers we meet at the bar are mostly looking for hookups. How the hell are we supposed to find our soulmate when it seems like everyone we meet would rather play the field than settle down? Modern dating is rough on romantics. But we have to keep believing that our soulmate is out there, because having optimism and an open heart is the only way we’ll find what we’ve been searching for. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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