Back in high school, no one gave me a second look, unless it was to laugh about what a huge virgin I was. But now, strangers stare at me at me as I walk by them, men approach me at bars, and my Tinder matches are always the first to initiate conversations. I’m not used to the attention, so I have to admit, it’s weird as shit.
I wonder if the guys who like me now would’ve liked me back then.
As much as I’d like to say I’ve changed into a responsible adult who’s in control of her life, I’m pretty much the same girl I was back in high school. Honestly, what do I have now that I didn’t have back then? A bigger wardrobe and better eyebrows. While I’d like to think that older men are more mature, I’m pretty sure I’m only getting more attention now, because I actually know what clothes fit my body shape and what makeup makes my eyes pop. Basically, I’m no longer the ugly duckling I once was, and the world is just as shallow as it always was.
My flirting needs a shit ton of work.
The high school students you see on TV bat their eyes and flip their hair whenever they lock eyes with a boy, but back in the day my version of flirting was staring at a guy and willing him to notice me. Since my mind control methods never worked, I don’t have much experience genuinely flirting, so I have no idea how to act when a guy comes on to me. Do I pay him a subtle compliment? Do I act like I’m too good for him? Do I go all in and ask him to come back to my place? No matter what decision I make, I always feel awkward.
Small tokens of affection actually matter to me.
Some people in this day and age couldn’t care less about casual sex, let alone kissing or holding hands. But me? As soon as I kiss a guy, I’m hooked on him. I’m still not used to being courted, so something as small as hand holding is a big deal to me. I’m sorry, but if you treat me like your girlfriend, then I’m going to get attached to you.
I can’t tell the difference between being friendly and flirty.
Whenever I was convinced a guy liked me in high school, it turned out I was totally wrong. I’m used to getting my hopes up and then getting let down, so when a guy flirts with me, I assume that he isn’t interested. Even if he asks me to hang out in his room to drink and watch Netflix, I’ll assume that it’s a friendly request. Unless he straight up tells me that he wants to get with me, then I’m never going to get the hint. Flirting goes right over my head.
My standards are much lower than they actually should be.
I’m not proud of it, but I fall for men whenever they give me the slightest bit of attention. I’m not used to being the girl every guy wants to be with. I’m used to being the girl who dances alone at her prom. So forgive me for wasting my time with men who treat me like shit. It’s easy for me to forget what a catch I am.