“Stalking” is nothing new to the online social world. We’ve all done it. In fact, it’s totally normal to maybe spend a little too much time “going deep” into our crush’s profiles.
But there’s a whole new phenomenon hitting the scene of social media and its subliminal impact on YOU is goose bump worthy. They’re calling it “haunting” and the verbiage couldn’t be more spot on.
“Haunting” is basically when someone who was once in your life, but now isn’t (due to a break up or falling out) still continues to Like or look at your stuff online. Though, you’d never ever talk IRL.
Let’s be honest.
We are all guilty of haunting. Just think about it. Have you ever posted a quote with the intent of it speaking to someone specific? How about snapping a selfie that’s just a bit sexier than usual? Or, of course, impulsively liking the picture of your ex who’s looking attractive as ever?
Yep, yep anddd yep.
But it feels so good.
We can all admit, being haunted back can feel pretty good, too. It nurtures the part of us that was left wounded by whatever rejection actually took place. It makes us feel seen and important.
But it also musters up false hope. You know, the “well, maybe they still like me” feeling. And for a second, we feel a brief blip of contentment.
BUT STOP RIGHT THERE.
Like most things in life, just ‘cause it feels good doesn’t mean it is good.
This “haunting” energy is not healthy at all. We are continuously conjuring up people of our past that should have hit the road, got the boot… or I guess in modern speak, been “unfriended,” a long time ago.
The question then becomes… how do you stop being a haunter/hauntee? Or to start, do you even want to stop?
We live in a time where relationships are rarely completely cut off. Our exes are forever lurking in the cobwebbed corners of our FB profiles. There will always be the memories that are just impossible to delete. And their moms are way too amazing to ever block, so even after an “ex unfriending,” their photos are still relentlessly popping up.
We are beyond the days of forgotten shoeboxes of photographs stuffed under our beds and well into the days filled with apps like Timehop that enjoy giving us a nice slap in the face each morning for old time’s sake.
Shaking our past, and the people left in it, is now harder than ever before.
So, what are we to do?
Unlike ridding evil ghosts (or our 9th grade yearbook photos) a lighter and some sage is not the fix for this kind of haunting.
The quickest, easiest cleansing method is to unfriend someone point-blank. Just sayin’.
Although I’m guessing you may have suddenly felt a wave of anxiety from just thinking about hitting the “Unfriend” button. Don’t worry. Welcome to the club. At this point, we’re all addicts.
If the option of unfriending or unfollowing seems unbearable (or unnecessary, if you’re in total denial…), our only solution here is to actually do the opposite.
And that’s acknowledging and accepting the truth.
Let’s look at the cold, hard facts.
The truth is, you went through a break up. Or perhaps you like someone that doesn’t like you back despite the fact that they do “Like” you back. It’s tough. And the temptation to interact is constant.
Staring at a love interest’s unopened Snap is similar to holding a gorgeously wrapped birthday present. It’s right in your hands and you can’t wait to see what’s inside. Then, it only takes a second to rip it open and the suspense is satiated. Just a coffee cup.
How often is what you open worth the hype? You could probably do without seeing a picture of their shoes or a terrifying face swap with their new significant other.
It’s time to ask yourself, “What is looking at this doing for me?”
Or, “By staying tied to them, who am I actually being kept from?”
Think about it this way…
Everything is energy and whether you like it or not, you are letting theirs affect yours. You may argue, well it’s just 10 seconds or the tap of thumb. Well, sure. But, day after day it all adds up and somehow they’re still lingering. If you don’t change, it won’t stop.
Even worse, by not blocking them out, you are blocking new possibilities from coming in.
Their name is taking up energetic space where a new name could be. A name of someone who is actually crazy about you, rather than just curious about you. Someone who will flatter you even further by unapologetically screenshot-ing your selfie rather than operating on stealth mode.
The reality is, if this haunter did love you, they’d be doing a lot more to be with you than just checking out your social game. They’d be doing everything they could to be in your social game.
You deserve the real deal. Not a ghost.
There is a lot of greatness (and love) that’s directly in your path. You just aren’t seeing it because your attention is stuck on refreshing your feed to see if someone who doesn’t even matter any more decided to care for a mere second.
The Moment of Light
By now, I’m hoping you may be inspired to, at the very least, hide the feed of your haunter(s). It will help, I promise.
At the end of the day, it’s all about how much or little power YOU allow someone to have over you. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to give them meaning.
The moment you get clear on your truth and worthiness is the moment the hauntings will begin to clear, as well. As soon as you decide that this person no longer matters, their name may still pop up… but it will no longer pull on your heart strings.
And when you are able to achieve this for yourself… be assured that new love is about to be stalking the shit out of you.