8 Reasons I’m Going To Flake Out On You

Being a flake has a bad rap. It’s socially unacceptable. People are disgusted with flakes; they’re untrustworthy, can’t be depended on, are always disappointing everyone. No one likes a flake — and no one wants to try and hang out with one. But I’m a flake, at my core. A closet flake. I don’t flake on people much, but I’m constantly fighting it — constantly battling my agoraphobic tendencies. If I do flake, though — which happens rarely — it’s probably for good reason. Here are a few of the most likely reasons for flaking on you that I may have.

1. Because, why did I agree that it’d be a good idea to get together? We were both way drunk when we met through our mutual acquaintance last night and I’m sure now that my insistent demands that we get brunch today and “EVERY Sunday this summer, bro” were definitely the optimism of alcohol talking, not me. I don’t even know you.

2. Unfit for social interaction (UFSI). A phrase coined by TC contributor Tao Lin, UFSI is defined as “lacking the necessary motivation, confidence, meaning, tools, worldview, desire, etc., to function within a social situation at an acceptable level.” Most have been there.

3. You’re too attractive. If you’re way attractive and I want to date you there’s a pretty high chance I’m going to pussy out of it at the last minute and perpetuate the self-destructive isolation/ loneliness loop I’ve been riding my entire adult life. I’m afraid of hot girls.

4. Whoah, just got in a Game of Thrones hole. Today an HBO epic fantasy television show seems more important than you, I’m sorry, just let me have this day alone, I don’t have the will to get out of bed anyways.

5. The person I’m having casual sex with just called and wants me to, ah, help them reorganize their room? I have a bad tendency of ditching friends for sex. It says way more about me than it does about you.

6. Well, I said I didn’t want to come with you. And for some reason you ignored me and kept telling me that I was coming with you. I’m confused as to why you were saying that, because I told you to your face a number of times that I didn’t want to do what you were asking me to do. What compels people in this direction — what compels people to demand their friends accompany them to something that’d obviously be no fun for them and then insist that they’re coming despite continuous protest?

7. Hangover day, you want to ride the subway excessively. Unless you’re inviting me to brunch, I’ll vomit on you in the subway. I like to stay away from those things when I’m hungover.

8. I’m your drug dealer. I’m not actually a drug dealer. But if I was, I’d be way flaky, because being a drug dealer means you meet your customers 25% of the time you plan to meet them, and you’re at least an hour late, every time. TC mark

image – krystian_o

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  • Mila Jaroniec

    UFSI, yes. Every. Single. Day. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      I didn’t know TL was just another TC contributor–doesn’t he like steal stuff from Urban Outfitters or something?

  • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

    hey, hot girls have feelings too! that’s what i’ve heard anyways

  • Domino

    number 4? really? c’monnnnnn

    • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

      Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. 

    • Guest

       TOTALLY been there. Often. Sometimes.. I’m just enjoying my self-indulgence way too much to go meet someone for coffee and struggle to find common ground, or deal with the pressure of feeling I need to be entertaining, lively, sociable, witty.. etc. when I’m simply not in the mood. Sure, it sounded like a good idea when I made the plans on Tuesday, but now that Thursday is here.. the idea of pulling it together is too much. There are some people you can simply “be” with, and others who seem to have expectations of you that fit their idea of who you are. Or who you should be. In the midst of a battle with depression or a jaded lethargy.. I can’t bring myself to do it, no matter how much I’d like to.

      • Yinzsaywhat

        ahh yes.. this is SO DEAD ON

      • Domino

        wow….. yes. you’re actually totally right.

  • Asdf

    Frosted flakes. They’re GRRRRRRREEEEAAAAAATTTTTT!

  • rachel

    Oh my god, #6. That’s my number one pet peeve. Why do so many people do that? 

    • Rishtopher

      I agree, the situation generally goes like this for me:

      Friend: Wanna hang out today?
      Me: No, I kinda just want to stay home an–
      Friend: Cool, I’ll be there in 20 min.
      Me: Wait, wha–
      Friend: I’m actually here now. 
      Me: …Dammit.

      I just don’t have enough energy to protest anymore.

  • http://twitter.com/hotgirlproblems Hot Girl Problems

    TC displays yet another #hotgirlproblem 

  • August Viegut

    Still hate flakes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      Shoulder flakes~

      • Guestropod

        workin that t-gel

  • http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=Razhie Razhie

    9. I’m mentally ill.
    No. Really. My anxiety is, on some very rare occasions, completely debilitating, and I absolutely have to sit at home and nurse some impossible to explain wound.  I know I seem perfectly competent and intelligent. You wanted to ask me for advice on boys or books or this thing you wrote… or just catch up. You think I’m too busy. You think I wont make time for you because I don’t care. You think I have a lot on my plate. You think you aren’t special to me.
    You can’t know that your call or text, our lunch date, your party, that brunch, that get-togeather, fills me with the kind of dread most people associate with getting a “There has been an accident.”  call from the police. You don’t know that I’m so ashamed of flaking/canceling/bailing on you again, it’ll keep me up at night.
    You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You might think I was a liar, that I was making excuses or being over-dramatic, but that’s okay, because I will never, ever, tell you. I will just be your friend, the flake.

    • kgb

      Been there…many times.

  • Clitty McLabia

    10. I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).
    I’ve been stuck in the bathroom for about 10 hours now. I have a feeling I’ll be here for 20 more. Damn, that greasy burrito. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      Damn, I’m sorry. 

  • audge

    How approps that your name is Holden.

  • http://twitter.com/shoshkabob Shosh

    Oh god, #3. I know that feel.

  • Sophia

    flakes are still my hugest pet peeve. like, really. fine, if you don’t want to hang out (I’m not a #6.) But if you say you’re going to and then don’t, you’re being awfully disrepectful of other people’s time.

  • Andrea

    I am perpetually Unfit for Social Interaction. 

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    […] this: It’s Your True Friends Who Teach You What Friendship Really Means Read this: 8 Reasons I’m Going To Flake Out On You Read this: 6 Things Every Introvert Has To Secretly Deal With Cataloged […]

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