Minutes Of Last Night’s Party


Members present

Willie Fitz (Self-Professed “Music Snob”), Scott Brandon (Post-Relationship Object of Derision), Jenn O’Brien (Populist/ Agreer of Things), Baahir Chopra (Has, In Fact, Heard of That Thing), Janae Kohler, Jamie Dunn (Dick Who Everyone Still Likes), Andre James (Relationship “On Rocks”), Tara Flynn, Lyle Devito, Gabrielle O’Hare (Person Who Has “Quit Smoking”), Michael Finnerty (Unknown Vector), Joy Givings (Host), Sean Sparks (Transitional Hipster), Martina Vasquez (Dramatic Drunk), Ines Gruber, Marissa Jolie, Hannah Stack

Members absent

Sarah Krieger (Relationship “On Rocks”; see Andre James), James Topp (Dick Who Everyone Expressly Dislikes)


Party started in full attendance at 9:10 p.m.

Alcoholic beverages on kitchen counter tops and kitchen table. Include:

Plastic handle vodka

Beers, various

Bloody mary mix

Orange juice

Plastic handle vodka

Wines, various

Coca Cola

Bong on living room coffee table.


Attendees in pairs, trios, or quartets. Baahir and Andre playing “Katamari” on Playstation 2, perhaps high on marijuana. Marissa and Sean exchanging notable looks while Marissa chats idly with Tara and Sean gesticulates and laughs with Martina — Sean appearing, at times, to ‘leer’ at Marissa; situation is not going unnoticed by Marissa’s ex-boyfriend Scott.

Party host Joy “has no idea” who invited Scott; thinks Scott is “weird” for coming re Scott and Marissa breaking up as recently as two months ago and re Scott’s emotional instability when inebriated and around Marissa as evidenced by episode covered in 28 Aug. minutes.

Michael sitting alone in corner; facial expression is inscrutable. Joy, Martina, Ines, Hannah, and Willie report not knowing “where he came from” or who he is.

Scott reports bringing Michael. Joy seen glaring at Scott.

Ines, Jamie, and Willie concur M83 did not deserve Pitchfork score of 9.1 on new album, despite Willie having only listened to half of the album’s single on YouTube, Ines never having heard any of the album, and Jamie confusing M83 with the B52s for ~two thirds of the discussion. Ines, Jamie, and Willie agree that Jamie’s mistake is extremely funny. Ines and Jamie go outside to smoke cigarettes.

Willie, without motion from group, becomes iPod DJ. Joy reports feelings of antipathy toward this motion to Hannah. Hannah concurs. Willie changes songs ~3 times in < two minutes, stating “Wait, that’s not the one” re each. Willie motions to resign from iPod DJ. Motion passed. Willie leaves for smoke break.

Sean reports that he "loves" Katamari. This is heard in the living room, coming from the kitchen. Also heard: Andre, spectating ongoing game of Katamari, making non-verbal expressions of enthusiasm and/or suspense.

Michael appearing to 'roam' the living room in aimless manner for ~five minutes. Does not appear to be drinking. Stops near Jenn — asks how she "likes the party." Jenn wearing an inscrutable if not slightly apprehensive facial expression. Jenn concludes that the party is fine. Michael concludes that this is sweet. Michael says that Jenn is drinking beer. Jenn looks at Joy. Michael asks what Jenn does.

Martina, inebriated, polls group re “Everyone Hating Her.” Unanimous nays. Several consoling gestures.

Baahir Chopra states that he has, in fact, heard of that thing.

Lyle motions to become the iPod DJ. Several groups concur. Lyle repeatedly mentions Queen's "You're My Best Friend." Willie and Joy make affirmative sounds. Lyle plays Queen's "You're My Best Friend," motions (implicit) for group sing-a-long. Several groups reject (implicitly) motion; Gabrielle concurs for a short time, then rescinds and goes outside to smoke a cigarette.

Michael testifies repeatedly re his own experiences by continually turning other people's anecdotes into his own via recounting similar experiences in which he engaged. Qualifies, a number of times, with "I don't want to just turn this to be about me again, but…" Michael anecdotally testifies (implicit) his superiority and uniqueness, a number of times, by diverting others' conversations into conversation about one of his experiences.

Sean brings up how much alcohol is left. Vote is made 13 – 0 (four members relinquish voting rights due to taking cigarette breaks) to get more alcohol from Safeway. Jamie volunteers to go get alcohol. Baahir also volunteers. Jamie expresses dislike (implicit) but consents.

Janae, Willie, Martina, and Hannah leave party. Will be present for next meeting, tentatively scheduled at Martina's apartment for 10 or 11 Sept.

Lyle plays "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson. Motions (implicit) for a dance party. Vote (implicit) is made 4 – 9 against dance party.

Marissa leaning against Sean as Sean leans against kitchen counter. Scott motions for Sean to "get the f–k out of here." Joy motions for Scott and Michael to "get the f–k out of here." Jenn answers yea before official vote is taken. Vote is taken 11 – 2 in favor of Scott and Michael leaving.

Lyle reports "bad vibes."

Jenn motions to end party. Motion passed, Joy dissenting.

Baahir and Jamie return with alcohol.

Next party is at Martina's apartment on 10 or 11 Sept.

Adjourned at 3:20 a.m.

Holden DeSalles
Clerk Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holden Desalles is a pen name for Brandon Gorrell.

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