1. At the reception the new couple were sitting there with a long line of people waiting to pay their respects. The groom’s mother cuts in front and says in a really loud voice to the bride: “Your sister just told me to go fuck myself. What the fuck are you going to do about it?”
2. A guy “accidentally” displaying his swastika tattoo to the one black guy attending.
3. I used to work for a wedding planner and one time a guest STOLE the bride’s dress. The bride had changed into a short, more comfortable dress for her grand exit (her other dress was cumbersome and poofy) and on the security cameras in the venue, you could see the guest run into the bathroom while everyone watched the couple leave and take the thousands of dollars dress out the back door. She denied it until we threatened to press charges and then claimed, “I was going to wash it” for the bride.
4. I was at a wedding where the bride’s best friend and maid of honor stood up to give a toast and tell a story about the bride. She then proceeded to tell a story about the two of them going on a road trip, picking up some dude with a foot fetish, and taking turns fucking him in a seedy motel. I was laughing my ass off because I didn’t really know these people (husband’s friends), but the faces of everyone else were just blank or angry.
The groom’s dad had even made this entire video presentation of his son growing up and was all weepy. Then he hears about his new daughter-in-law double teaming a hobo.
5. The bride had a best man, her best friend from college. In his speech he told the story of how she took his virginity, and how he loved her so much. Then he started crying. Nobody could kick his ass because he was in a wheelchair. The father of the groom later loaded him into an accessible taxi and told him to get lost.
6. The father of the bride gave incorrect directions to the reception to all of the groom’s friends in a blatant attempt to make them fail to show up.
7. A friend of mine (we’ll call him Freddy) was at his cousin’s wedding while he was in high school and proceeded to get very, very drunk. Throughout the night, Freddy took to dancing with a fair share of ladies, but another cousin’s girlfriend took an exceptional liking to him. Eventually they start getting real down and dirty; hardcore making out and grinding in the middle of the dance floor. Might I add that (usually) Freddy is a companion of other men. So obviously his cousin is infuriated that his girlfriend is cheating on him in front of his entirely family with his gay, much younger cousin and tries to get the girlfriend out of there. My friend’s grandmother pulls Freddy aside and tells him to go get some air and sober up.
This venue was set up so that the back wall of the ballroom was made entirely of glass with a door to the patio. So grandma takes Freddy outside, props him up, and heads back in to calm down his irate cousin. Somehow amidst these shenanigans, the girlfriend sneaks outside and proceeds to BLOW Freddy in full view of his family.
Freddy comes to the next morning on the bathroom floor of his grandma’s hotel room having zero recollection. He wanted to know why no one was speaking to him at breakfast.
8. I catered a wedding at a restaurant I used to work at. The climax of the evening was when the bride literally cleared the entire buffet tables then tipped them over while screaming, “THE FUCKING MEATBALLS ARE COLD!” The meatballs were on the floor steaming, so they couldn’t have been that cold. She just thought she could be bridezilla because she paid the dues for the room.
The restaurant owner walked up to the microphone and told everyone, including the bride that they were to leave immediately. Still in a rage, the bride approaches the manager, who still has the microphone in his han. and tells him that if he does that then she wants a refund. The owner purposefully speaks into the microphone that he will call the police on anyone in the bridal party who is still on his property in the next hour and he will be using the money that he was paid to clean up the mess the bride just made. The bride ended up willingly walking out of the restaurant with her party sobbing, “But the meatballs were cold.”
Watching the whole thing go down made me feel like I was on a movie set.
9. A friend and his gf were expecting a baby but something went wrong and the baby was stillborn. Fast forward to their wedding day… The best man told a dead baby joke during his speech and was kicked out of the wedding shortly after.
10. I worked in weddings for a long time so I got to see a lot of appalling people over the course of my career.
My favorites include a lady that got so drunk she thought she was a dog and crawled around outside barking. One wedding had kids that caused $10,000 worth of damage to the property doing things like clogging the plumbing with rocks and breaking tiles out of the antique fountains.
Another wedding that had too many children had to be shut down because kids were breaking into cars with butter knives and killing some of the animals on the property and ripped out wiring for the speaker system. A new years eve wedding had guests that were locking themselves in closets and doing all sorts of illicit drugs, that one ended in a food fight.
One wedding broke out into a brawl, and we had to call the police to shut that one down. One wedding the groom was so trashed he hooked up with a bridesmaid and the bride walked out in the middle of the wedding. So there are a few fun stories, for the most part many wedding went on without a hitch.
11. Booing the best man during his speech.
12. I worked a wedding recently where a(groom’s) father was trying to give his speech but got emotional and it ended in the bride and groom coming over to give him hugs. It was very sweet. Later in the evening the mother of the groom walks up to me and tells me that the husband wanted a chance to finish his speech. I confirmed with the father, who said he would love a chance to finish his speech. Everything was planned, for him to go up right before the dancing started after everyone finished their coffee and cake.
So the MC gets up and does his last little speech and says the Father of the Groom was going to get up to finish his speech. This was apparently a complete lie and the mother bursts into the room with her ballroom dance partner, dragging him by the tie to some Tina Turner song, and started doing the most inappropriate dance I have ever seen in the middle of the dance floor. I felt sick, the bride looked like she was going to cry, so I ran over to the DJ and told him he needed to fade the song out and I started clapping really loudly, everyone joined in and then the DJ just threw some music on and everyone came out to start dancing.
Turns out the groom’s mother had been incredibly controlling throughout the wedding process, but I had never met her and NOBODY had warned me about her.
13. Not really a “guest” exactly, but during my step sisters wedding some people crashed the wedding and stole her wedding cake.
This was around the time that wedding crashers came out, and we were warned that they’ve had an influx of people just showing up to weddings uninvited trying to mimic the movie. They convinced us to hire some light security, but it didn’t help.
The people were a bunch of drunk college kids, they snuck in, went in there back by the cake, took the whole thing around back outside and just ate a small part of it with their hands and then just started throwing the rest around. We noticed when, during the middle of the wedding ceremony, they tossed the last half of the entire cake into a bonfire in the back.
I was pretty young back then, so I can’t remember the exact details, but the people got their asses kicked, expelled from college, sued by multiple people, arrested, and one of them was even got in serious trouble for a some weed they were carrying.
My best friend of 20 years was getting married. I loved both of them. The friend was like a brother to me. I had actually known him longer than my other two blood siblings. The bride was a good friend of mine and perfect for him. I honestly think I was more happy that they were getting married than they were.
Anyways, wedding was a disaster. Their families were both horrid. I had known this beforehand, but didn’t expect it to manifest this way on their damn wedding day.
Literally every horrible thing their families could do was done. They did ridiculous amounts of damage to the venue, had multiple people randomly hooking up in the bathrooms while their dates were in other rooms, the groom’s brother was trying to offer people sex with his “girlfriend” for a little money or heroin, the bride’s father actually accepted this deal (but for cocaine), someone puked all over half the food after drinking themself half to death, someone started opening gifts and taking some while the couple was busy cleaning up other messes, and I, the best man, missed the majority of it because of a family “emergency,” which turned out to be nothing.
Also, by the end of it a brawl was starting between the two families.
I was there for the “end” though, where the bride and groom stood in front of everyone and told them that they were going to be moving somewhere very far away from Louisiana and all of them, either to the northeast or northwest corner of the country. That they never wanted to see the majority of them again and if they decided to remain in contact with one or two people there then they would mail them their new numbers.
They were serious. Their things were packed up and gone the next day and all the numbers canceled. I never got their new number.
Found out about a year later that they’re living in Brazil now. Tried to get into contact but got nothing in response.
14. When my dad got married for the third time, my step-mom basically revealed that she cares about my two half-sisters (dad’s first marriage) a great deal more than me. Even worse was when the rest of wedding party all subtly agreed they hate my mom (dad’s second wife).
Nothing worse than a room full of people hating on your mother in front of you. (My mother is honestly one of the kindest most caring people I know. No one outside of a small group of people from my dad’s family would feel so negatively about her.)
15. I was bartending an outdoor wedding a few years back, a gorgeously decorated event under a monster tent.
Towards the end of the night, the music was playing and most people were on the dance floor. It was the time of night when everyone is drunk, and you hope people are done coming up to you because you actually do NOT want to serve them anymore.
The DJ throws ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ into the set. I look out to see this short, sweaty drunk weirdo start to kung-fu kick the main pole holding up this monster tent. Kicking it to the beat. Just kicking and karate chopping it. Hard. The lights actually started to flicker, and the tent along with the lanterns and decorations would jump with every hit. Nobody did a thing. I froze, because I thought I would get blamed for getting him that drunk.
Everyone just stared at him. A few people actually turned back around and went about their business as if it was normal. The older people not on the dance floor started looking up and talking among themselves. Then. It happened.
He started head-butting the pole. Every smack let out a thud you could actually hear between beats. Head hits massive pole. Pole shakes. Lights flicker. Entire tent sways. Then he stopped. He went and sat down. NOBODY BATTED AN EYE.
I am not sure what behavior was more appalling to he honest. The guy that could have crashed an entire wedding tent on the guests. Or everyone else around him that let it happen. I was lost for words. And I have seen things such as moms give their 12 year old a mixed drink, bikers show up in tank tops and chaps, and a woman change a diaper in the middle of a table. So strange.
16. My uncle that was doubling as the photographer fall through a wall because he was so drunk. He also loaded all of his film wrong and no pictures came out.
15 years later one of my cousins was getting married. One aunt got into a fight and through drinks back and forth with a bridesmaid, a cousin got in a fight with the bartender, cops got called and the bride got the microphone and kicked our side of the family out. Weddings are awesome.
17. At my cousins wedding after the party had finished, a friend of the groom got so drunk that he took a shit in the hallway of the hotel the reception was being held at. He then proceeded to try to clean it up with a towel from his room and managed to make it worse by smearing it all over the walls. He was then found by management and dropped off at the best mans hotel room, where he promptly climbed into bed still covered in shit and passed out. Not funny at the time but hilarious in retrospect.
18. My mother. She went completely off the deep end at my wedding, booing my wife and I. She destroyed her bouquet and said we gave her a lesser one. Crashed the bridal party’s spa appointment to get hair and makeup done. When we were announced at the reception, she booed. She destroyed favors, she told my uncle whose wife of 40+ years just passed away that she’s burning in hell, and all sorts of other things. A lot of this I found out after the fact and half my wife’s and my families spent the entire day running interference on her so we didn’t get the worst of it. Bar none, she acted like the lowest of the low, something slightly above that first amphibian crawling out of the primordial ooze and calling itself a land dweller. If there was anything she could do that was destructive, she did it. The last thing she said to me was “I hope your plane crashes,” as we left the next morning for our flights to Australia. I haven’t spoken to her much since, and not at all in the last ten years. I’m sure my life is better off for it.
19. Some obnoxious girl (Not sure of her relation to the bride and groom) basically commandeered my sister’s wedding. She showed up in a white dress, during photos she kept insisting she be put closer to the middle and basically made little moves throughout the whole event to constantly take notice away from the bride and groom so she could shower herself in the attention she loved so much.
Even during speeches she spoke up when there was no reason for her to do so.