When we finally got to the wedding which was in the middle of nowhere, we sat through a 2.5 hour church service, followed by a long break while the family ate supper. We arrived at the reception to find out that it was literally ONLY the bride’s friends who weren’t invited, so no, it wasn’t a family affair after all. The speeches went on and on about how the bride is so tiny and the groom was a football player in high school so he is really big. ISN’T THAT SO FUNNY?! Many of my guy friends at the end said “I’m kind of sick about hearing how big and strong the groom is”. It was definitely “the groom show” and not “the couple show”.
They also each had one mentally handicapped person in their wedding parties. When they were thanking their brides and groomsmen, the groom’s voice started to quiver as he introduced the handicapped individuals. He said something along the lines of “we have a junior bridesmaid and groomsman up here have had a really tough time in their lives…” then he burst out sobbing and said “and we are just so happy to have them with us today.” The way he said the speech made it sound like they were patting themselves on the back for being nice and tolerant and “letting the handicaps be in the wedding party”. They also couldn’t really be considered junior brides/groomsmen because they were a lot older than the couple getting married, so it didn’t make sense.
After the speeches, there was a “bride dance” and a “groom dance” where guests have a chance to take the couple for “one last spin” or whatever. Before the bride dance started, the groom got on stage and said “Okay everyone, I’m going to allow you to dance with my wife. However, I will ask that if you dance with her that you make a donation to buying our first house,” so all the guests had to pay money to dance with the bride.
The groom dance was to “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred. The groom was not in the best shape and he also isn’t the most attractive fellow, but he proceeded to strip off his clothes and get on stage in just his suspenders and dress pants as the guests quietly hurled.
Later on in the night, they passed a shoe around to get more donations.
It was a pretty bad wedding.
My mother got completely trashed and showed up at the door of our honeymoon suite wearing nothing but a bathmat. She then climbed into our bed and threw up in our garbage can. Don’t do that.