When in Germany be sure to mention Hitler as often as possible.
Never drink the bottled water, tap water in other countries have distinct flavors that you should experience while traveling abroad!
Make sure to chant “USA, USA!” when you’re drunk in the streets late at night.
Don’t even bother trying to learn the very basics of conversational language. If you speak English to a bartender or whatever and they don’t understand you, repeat yourself but yell instead. It’s definitely not rude and somehow, shouting makes them understand you.
In England, stand on the left side of the escalators and try to strike up conversations on the tube as frequently as possible.
When in America, be sure to talk to as many children as you can. American mothers push their children to be more sociable with others, so go ahead and give one a high five, hug, or if you really want to get a laugh out of them, a tickle fight! Just be sure to smile and wink at the parents after you’re done, they won’t mind a bit. ;)
The most authentic Mexican food is in the prisons. Do a minor crime, one that will only land you in jail for a couple of days (like narcotics trafficking or seducing the police chief’s under-age daughter), so you can try the cuisine.
Thai woman have evolved with an adam’s apple, so don’t worry about it, if they look like women, they are women!
Don’t worry about local laws of the country you’re visiting. If you get arrested, the American government will bail you out and pay for your trip home.
10. In Asia
Make sure in Asia to say things like “Wow i just love what the Japanese did here.” unless you’re in Japan, then say things like “Damn with all the radiation from those bombs and power plants you’d think you would have more mutations for height.”
When you arrive at the airport, slowly reach into your coat pocket while yelling “Allahu Akbar!”
When in Greece, raise your hand and show your open palm (with spread fingers) to everybody you meet.
It works best on Police officers, bodybuilders/tough looking characters and car drivers.
For extra points, call them “ma-LA-ka” while doing it.
13. Saudi Arabia
Have a beer whilst walking around the sights of Mecca.
Just got back from China and the best advice I can think of would be to ask “Is this dog?” before every meal.
When you travel to Somalia, trust the locals.
Everyone wants to help! Feel free to ask questions.
When travelling to France and want to be served in a café, just snap your finger and say “Garçon!” loudly.
Give Scottish people hugs every time you greet them and make sure to hold for as long as possible! They love it!
Always run away if you see the police.
While visiting Ireland, make sure to order an Irish Car Bomb, they make them the best.