If you can deal with me being a geek, I suppose I can deal with you not being a size 2″
A month after my mum died, I started my first year at university, obviously in a pretty fragile place. I visited my boyfriend at the time at his college, only to hear when I got upset “Haven’t you gotten over it yet?”. I was stunned to say the least. Not sure what planet he was on, or what possessed him to say that, but I certainly shouldn’t have stayed in his company for a year after that.
This was my now ex (again) after we’d broken up and gotten back together once. We broke up because he cheated on me. We were watching a TV show where the husband cheated on his wife. My boyfriend said “Why would he ever cheat on her?! She’s so hot!”
…Yeah. That reunion didn’t last.
I’ve been in recovery for an eating disorder for about three years. It was a great moment when the first person I had ever told about my ed mentioned that he liked my body better before recovery once when he was drunk. Yay.
I was in recovery and struggling and confessing to him that I felt like a whale, and his response was, “You’re not THAT fat, but you did look better before you started eating again.” I was torn between wanting to dropkick a motherfucker, and crying my eyes out.
When I was 16 I told my then-boyfriend (who was 17 or 18) about an assault that had happened before I met him.
His response? “So you weren’t a virgin when we met.” Needless to say I didn’t tell him any more about that or other assaults. (The sad part is that we dated for two more years after this).
“Look, neither of us are attractive, so let’s not pretend.”
While I was pregnant with our second child my husband at the time – my ex now – told me I acted like a jerk when I’m in labor. What an ass.
“You have a 9-out-of-10 body, I just wish your boobs were bigger!”
He genuinely thought I would take this as a compliment.
My little brother passed away nearly a decade ago, I was confessing this on a first date (I hate the ‘siblings’ question) and the guy congratulated me on not being on antidepressants. I’ve been on antidepressants for the last seven years. Needless to say he didn’t last long.
We get back from an amazing night out. We are making out on the couch and playing around, he picks me up in his arms to take me to the bedroom, everything is perfect, and then he goes ahead and says “Have you put on a few pounds?”
He could tell when my face changed that I wasn’t impressed at all and his response to try and quickly fix the situation didn’t help either when he said “Don’t take it the wrong way, you just feel heavier than last time I picked you up.”
I was studying abroad and gained a few pounds. I am petite to begin with so you could really see it. He was dropping hints about it and how I should lose weight. So once we were walking in a store and we see a functioning scale. I hop on it and it turns out that I gained 10 pounds and he said: “Oh! Strange, you must have been really light before that.” He meant it as a compliment.
But thinking back about it, he was obsessed with me not gaining weight. We would have dinner and if I ate more than him, he would warn me that I would put on weight. When confronted with it, he would just say: “When women put on weight, they get very upset and start complaining. I am just making sure you don’t feel unhappy.”
My current SO. I was at party and I texted him that people were throwing beer on each other. His answer: “Are you having a wet shirt contest? Spoiler alert: you wouldn’t win.”
My ex husband was the king of having really strong opinions about things, and voicing them without considering how it would affect other people. (For example, for a while we were both in the education technology sector. He would talk continually about how stupid he thought it was and how much he wanted to get out. I don’t think he realized I was in the same field as him- and that I loved it.)
Aside from the more or less continuous put-downs of things I liked, here are some other gems:
“Oh man, it’s going to be so awesome when we move in together because I’ll get to come home to dinner every night.”
“I really hated your hair when we first started dating, but now I sort of like it. I don’t know if it’s that your hair is different or if it’s just grown on me.”
“Yeah, I figured it was time to shit or get off the pot so…” (Said to everyone congratulating us over getting engaged. Why did I marry him again?)
And the kicker: “I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive. I need to remember that the way you see things isn’t always in line with reality but I need to be understanding anyway.”
There were also times he explicitly told me things he didn’t like about me, and the time he called me a selfish bitch because after tolerating painful sex for eight years I finally asked him to stop, but those were intentional.
She told me I was the reacher, and she was the settler.
“You aren’t passionate about anything.”
It slightly bothers me to this day because he was so wrong.
“You have big nipples, baby.” Which I denied, since my nipples are completely average. “Well, you have the biggest nipples of anyone I’ve ever been with.” He genuinely did not understand why this both made me feel bad, and why I wouldn’t want to think about him comparing my nipples to these other women that I don’t particularly care to hear about. It’s not that I care about them really, neither of us were virgins, it’s just that I hate the idea of a comparison.
My husband is the king of compliments:
1) “I just want you to know I’m not in this so I can get you to have sex with me….even though we just had sex. I’m not gonna break up with you now is what I mean.”
2) “You’re not as big as you were last time (referring to my 2nd pregnancy).”
3) “Wow, you almost weigh more than me!” (Again, the joys of pregnancy)
4) “you smell. I’m just kidding. It doesn’t bother me that you smell. I still think you smell good.”
5) “Your bellybutton doesn’t look like a crater anymore!”
6) “He has monkey feet like you do!” (Talking about our newborn son.)
7) “Yeah, I thought dinner was good! I was really worried when you said you cooked dinner, but now I know you’ve gotten better at it.”
19. No filter
My ex was just a rainbow of happiness:
“Yours isn’t the tightest vagina I’ve had”
“I still fantasize about getting back together with my first gf”
[while poking my thigh] “Hey! It jiggles!”
“When I saw you for the first time I was disappointed that you were less attractive than you looked in your pictures”
There are more. I can confidently say that he never actually meant to hurt me with any of these things. He’s just a stupid idiot without a verbal filter and no reasonable concept on tact or class.
“You look really, REALLY crazy attractive in your photos. But in real life you look way different. You’re more of a cute kind of girl. But that’s okay, I go for cute girls rather than hot ones.” – Guy I dated.
I could’ve been quite offended by this but I:
a) don’t get offended easily and
b) kinda thought it was oddly sweet.
21. G’s the shit
Was at a coffee shop with my girlfriend, well call her G. I got my coffee and a muffin, I used to always get this combo, everyday. G got a tea or some shit.
We shared the muffin. As I divide the muffin up, I pull off the top and give it to her. Mainly because I love G, and wanted to give her her favorite part. That’s true love, take notes. Luckily for me I actually prefer the gooey inside /bottom and usually eat muffins upside down like some freak.
So I was trying to be cute and shit and said, “Dating you is perfect, you will always have a muffin top, ” and just so everyone knows, I had no idea what a muffin top was when it was on someone’s body.
But G’s the shit and knew I was super romantic and basically took me right there in the coffee… With her eyes (were not animals) She never told me about what a muffin top was and it quickly became her food Nickname (like pumpkin or sweetie-pie or potato).
So I didn’t find out I was saying something mean to my muffintop (previously known as G) until one of her friends got all pissy at me and acted like I was a rude dude.