- Refusal to Meet Friends/Let Friends Meet You. Yeah, we were together about 2.5 years before I finally met his friends. The entire time we were together he refused to meet my friends or family. Caused me a lot of problems amongst people I knew “Why the fuck won’t your boyfriend come around???” And how do you explain something like that to people you love about someone you love? He never even gave explanations why.
- Double Standards. All day, every day. He went out and drank with his friends a lot, guys and girls. I wasn’t allowed to, especially not with guys. He drank a ton, but if I drank I had a problem. He’d flip shit if I went out with friends but when I questioned his relationship with one of his female friends, he pinned me against a wall and “how dare you question my faithfulness to you”. I don’t answer phone call/text within an hour and “Fuck you, you worthless bitch.” Then he’d go days without talking to me or responding.
- Something important to talk about…text only. Yeah. And it wasn’t like because he expressed himself better via writing than orally. No, he just didn’t want to see me cry or be upset by something he’d say. He’d constantly break up with me through text and bring up super important things through text. Not to avoid confrontation, not because he could express it better, but for his ease and so he didn’t have to deal with any consequences. Some things are better said in person, but he never had the decency to do this. He told me that if I cried he’d feel guilty and he “didn’t want to deal with that shit” I at first assumed that he just felt more comfortable talking this way since he was a bit of an introvert. So one day I had a pregnancy scare and told him via text. And oh shit was that the wrong thing to do because “why the fuck would you tell me something like this in a text???” Again, double standards.
- Communication. This motherfucker had god-awful communication skills.
- I could probably think of a thousand more but this got long enough. Some of them seem pretty huge now that I write it out but at the time, it was so subtle and happened so slowly. They were little things that piled up. For instance, at first he just didn’t want to meet my friends. Okay, fine, the relationship is still newish, we’re going slow. But 4 months in turned into 6, then to a year, then to two years and so on. That’s how it was. Very subtle at first. And of course very situational. But these sorts of little things could be cleared up with communication. Which he sorely lacked. Had I asked him why he didn’t want to meet my friends, he would have taken offense and said I was accusing him of stuff. A normal healthy person would say “I’m not ready for that yet xyz reason, let’s see where we are in a couple months.” Not him, no planning for the future, and no regard for my feelings or well-being. It all seems so glaringly obvious now, but he was very manipulative and would make me question my feelings of uncertainty and feel guilty and ashamed about my suspicions and doubted my instincts.
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