I didn’t see the red flags. I see them in hindsight but didn’t realize then because I was so thrilled to finally have a boy notice little ole me. I was a painfully shy and a teensy bit awkward 17 year old girl and a 23 year old guy noticed me and liked me! Wow! I fell in love fast and I fell in love hard, I’m 22 now and the relationship is finally over for good after years of being together, then being an on-again-off-again couple and all the while him being extremely manipulative and abusive. It wasn’t until it finally ended that I realized all the red flags I should have seen. I should have gotten out of it earlier. But I was young and naive and insecure and in love…and did I mention terribly, terribly insecure.
- The age thing. 17 and 23? I’m not saying it can’t work and be healthy but this dude was thrilled to have a little 17-year-old. Mind you, I look about 15 now, so at 17 I looked like a damn child. He loved it. Sure some guys are into the petite young looking thing but he was just obsessed with the idea of me being so young. When we had sex, he’d always ask me my age and get off at me being so young. Creepy.
- Obsessed with sex from the get-go. Again, can be completely normal. If that’s what both people want. But we’d met online and I recall specifically saying that I was interested in a more serious type relationship, no hook ups, one night stands, or FWB. I was a virgin as well and told him I wanted to take things slowly. We’d been talking for a couple weeks but I slept with him the first time we actually met…about 2 hours after meeting him. I’m not putting all the blame on him by any means. He didn’t hold me down and force me. But I remember feeling so dirty and awful about it afterwards. In fact, I think it could kind of be considered date-rape. I don’t know. I said no multiple times but he kept persisting and eventually, we were having sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having a high sex drive or with sleeping with someone shortly after meeting them. That’s cool. But this guy was so pushy about it. It was the absolute only thing on his mind, despite me saying I was interested in a relationship like that. It became a problem later on. I was required to have sex with him EVERY single time we saw each other. I had a fairly high sex drive but shit, sometimes you have a stomach ache or just don’t feel like it or you’re on your period and don’t enjoy period sex! Did that matter? Nope. He’d berate me and kick me out of his house if we didn’t have sex. And if we did have sex…well since I really didn’t want it, I was a little, uh…dryer down there. So he’d get pissed. And of course it was totally my fault my body was doing that. It got to the point that if I had my period or anything I’d make up excuses so we wouldn’t hang out. I guess this one could be considered more selfish from the get-go. I dunno, maybe a bit of both. Also obsessed with porn with a really skewed perception of what real sex was. I later found out he’d only slept with like two girls before me and both were on-night stands. He’d told me they were awful hideous bitches. He had absolutely no idea what healthy, good, real sex was like. He thought porn sex was real life.
- Everything was my fault, nothing was his fault. He was always right and I was always wrong. There was the sex stuff. If the sex wasn’t great one time, my fault. If I couldn’t get wet, my fault. If I was in pain during sex, my fault. Nevermind more foreplay, changing positions, or taking breaks. Nope, my fault, I’m a worthless bitch. Traffic’s bad? He’d yell at me. I was worthless, as were my opinions. I suggest don’t take that road, it’ll be busy during rush hour. He’d take it and sure enough, busy. All my fault. Get out and walk, stupid bitch. Whether it was a little thing or a big thing, my fault, I was wrong. He’d read ridiculous shit online and got a lot of crazy and incorrect ideas from it. He was super obsessed with stuff like /r/mensrights and /r/theredpill, especially TRP. I’d disagree with one of his statements or theories or whatever and not only was I wrong but ohhhh would that set him off, which brings us to…
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