1. Heaven is a place on Earth
Nevaeh. Yes I understand it is heaven spelled backwards, and no I dont give a fuck.
2. It looks cute
Anything spelled irregularly for no reason… Ex: Eryka..
3. What
My friends named their sons Atreyu Vonn Royal and Pharroh Zorran Sphere. I call them both Steve in protest.
4. I’m Special!
Special
I shit you not.
5. Princess Johnson, is there a Princess Johnson present?
Princess. Seriously, what in the fuck. I don’t understand how anybody could think that princess is a good name.
6. #Baby
I heard a story a few months ago that parents named their baby girl “Hashtag.”
Fuck that.
7. Stop this now
I once knew of a goth girl who had a shit ton of tattoo’s and did the whole black boots and spiked belts, and she had a shit ton of piercings and shit. She named her kid Chaos.
8. It exudes douche
Anything ending in -den. Braden, Kayden, Jayden, fucking-punch-you-in-the-faceden.
9. The future looks grim
I think in the future I’ll be the weird parent because I named my son Steve or John or something while all their schoolmates are named Whatter or Konfidenze.
10. Where are they now?
I know twins named Elite and Alpha.
No, really.
11. He went there
North West
12. R-evolver
My mom’s cousin named her son Evol. As in ‘love’ backwards. He’ll despise her forever.
13. Not LARP?
I knew a dude named Yarp. It was Pray spelled backwards.
14. GTFO here, seriously?
I swear to God I heard a woman yell out at her little boy at the park one time, “Spatula! Get back over here!”
Also, my MIL is a pediatric nurse and a few years ago had a 6 month old baby girl as her patient named “VaGina”. But it’s okay because the G is capitalized and it’s pronounced “Vah-GEE-nah”.
15. Actually, he is
L’Carpetron Dookmarriot – hell of a football player though.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gODZzSOelss&w=584&h=390%5D
16. I’m tickled pink
Lady who works at Sams by my house is named Lasagna. I did a double take and she got pissed. YOUR NAME IS LASAGNA, HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?
17. The universe is their oyster
Galaxy.
And I just feel so bad for the child because there are only two professions she can have with that name: Astronomer or Prostitute.
18. Almost as good as Sharkeesha
Shequilya. Per the mother, it was pronounced she-kill-ya.
19. She’ll hear that joke for ages
I went to camp with a girl whose name was Unique. She was cool, but I just know she’ll have a life full of comments like “Well, at least your name is unique, hahahahahaHAHAHRHRHRHHRHHR”
20. I had a terrible experience with Sambuca
Sambuca. Just… Just don’t.
21. Holy shit
Holy Angel. A guy my dad worked with in India called his first born daughter this. He was a Christian and wanted something western sounding.
His second daughter was called Alien.
22. That explanation tho
Just recently I overheard a man telling a couple that his daughter’s name was Ily (eye-lee). He proceeded to tell the couple that she was named after the text acronym ily for “I Love You”….
23. People, just stop
I know some girl who’s name is Heaven and her middle name is Ly. Heaven Ly
24. Say what?
I walk in the courts and have to issue claims all day, so I see a whole assortment of names there, but there was one that really stuck out to me. Her name was Comfort.
25. Frequently misspelled words
There’s one in our community named Dutchess. What a fucktard for misspelling Duchess.
26. Like Brandibelle
Anything where the parent squished two names together. “Oh but both names were so pretty we couldn’t choose.”
27. Heroines, they were not
My stupid (former) friend had a baby with a fellow heroin addict, whom they named Kilo (yup.) This guy then had another baby with a chick and they named the little girl Aristotle.
A form of measurement, mostly used in reference to large amounts of drugs in my country (US) and a male philosopher for a girl. Good thing they are now both being raised by their grandmas as they were sired by heroin addicts who have quickly forgotten they ever had kids.
28. So many questions
Rainbow. Holly Madison’s baby. Seriously, why?
29. Not you Germans too!
I live in a German-speaking country and sincerely feel bad for kids living with names like Ashley-Sharmaine Fritzberger , Aaliyah-Phoebe Müllermeierich or Caydence-Melody Pfefferhausen. Poor, poor kids.
30. This is a name???
I don’t even care that max one person will see this. Someone needs to know about Sha-purple.
31. I don’t know anymore
Jru. Pronounced Drew. Guy wants his kids names to start withs J. When I told him he was a jackass he was offended.
32. Are people unable to Google?
Ex friend named her son Arrien. She was aiming for Aryan. His middle name is Nat, short for Nation. I am not making it up, and it’s most of the reason she and I are no longer friends.
33. This made me laugh, like, a lot
Tylor. What the fuck?
34. Wrecked it
Airwrecka.. Pronounced Erica.
35. God, I feel dumb
A guy I used to know named his baby boy Jupiter. The baby had just been born, so every time I saw him, I felt like I needed to ask him how Jupiter was. I felt like an idiot. I hope he did, too.
36. She shed her name pretty quick
I went to school with this ginormous girl. She wore combat boots and thick black eyeliner. Bet her parents weren’t expecting her to be 6 foot fucking 6 when they named her Tinkerbell.
