Feeling obligated to provide excuses not to attend events. How much easier would the world be if you could just say, “I don’t want to go to your baby shower, but thanks for the invite.”
“How are you doing?”
The stigma associated with quick naps during a work break. People drink coffee, smoke, eat a snack, browse Youtube/Reddit, but will get all uppity if you nap. Naps are awesome! Especially when the afternoon slump hits, it would be great to grab 15 minutes of shut-eye.
Having to pretend like my job is the best fucking thing in the world and I couldn’t be happier to have it.
5. I get asked this a lot: Why do you look so serious? My response should always be: Because of dickheads like you.
Constantly looking “happy”.
Just because I don’t walk around with a shit-eating grin on my face, don’t assume I’m not happy. I’m generally in a pretty good mood, and most times when people ask me this I’m pretty far gone into my own head thinking about something; so nothing at all was wrong until you interrupted me. I realize you probably mean well but stop it.
Elbows on the table.
If I want to rest my arms comfortably on the table because it is the optimal height for me, then I’m going to fucking do it. Because fuck you Auntie.
Saying happy birthday on facebook. My friend got really angry that I hadn’t written on his facebook wall even though I had actually remembered the day and said it to him in person. He justified it by saying that he wanted 100 Happy birthday’s.
The need to constantly be talking.
I fucking love silence.
Being quiet for fear of offending others.
10. Don’t pity me
Eating by yourself at restaurants. Foreveralones get hungry sometimes, too.
I want to drink my soup from the bowl once I get the majority of the solid stuff out. The whole using a spoon until the last drop thing is an absurdity in my mind.
Men not being able to talk about their emotions or feelings without being considered homosexual or looked down upon. Or social expectations need to go away. I don’t want society to expect me to become middle class white dude with 2.3 kids and a white picket fence. I want no expectations upon me from society.
Hell, as a female, I hate the fact that I’m supposed to want to touch your pregnant belly and hold/take care of your baby. I’m sure the miracle of life is very beautiful, but I don’t need to feel the baby kicking to know there’s a little chestburster inside you. Really. I trust that you didn’t just eat twenty cheesecakes.
14. You’re WRONG
Simply having an opinion does not mean it’s valid.
And not all opinions are equal.
15. Don’t ask me
You know which piece of social etiquette really grinds my gears? Having to give people the answer they want to hear when they ask a question because it is ‘impolite’ to tell the truth.
Don’t ask the fucking question if you don’t want an honest answer.
Cover letters and the rest of the job hunting bullshit. So much wasted potential.
As a 20-year-old guy I wish I could play with kids and not have to worry about being labeled a ‘pedo’. I mean tag, hide and seek, fucking NERF GUNS? I would love to play all those all the time, but I personally have a hard time enjoying it because I have to worry about how every action looks from an outsider’s point of view.
The monday morning circlejerk of “How was your weekend?” You don’t care about my weekend, I don’t care about yours, and you’re blocking the damn coffee machine.
I realise I’m a lone voice, late to the game, but hear me out here. You can and should run in public. I do, all the time! And not running in running gear for exercise. Just running because it’s faster than walking. Going to the pub? Oh, I’ll run there. Bored of walking to a lecture? I know, I’ll run there. That’ll speed things up.
It was actually surprising how much better I felt from running places just a few times a week. I felt like not only did I have a hold of life, but I was beating it. After all, while all my peers were shuffling around with two feet on the ground, I was leaping through the air.
It’s your life. If people think you’re crazy for running, do you really care? No you fucking don’t. And at that, I will bid you a good night.
Inviting ALL family to a wedding.
If you are an uncle, cousin, second cousin, great aunt, etc.. that I dont see, dont like, or don’t wanna know, why on earth would I invite you to my wedding????? This is one thing I hate about European culture.
21. Yeah, seriously
I want to banish using “how are you” as a greeting. Most of the time it’s used ONLY as a greeting, not a legitimate care for your well being, it’s just another hello.
I don’t understand how it suddenly became rude to not answer your phone or not text back immediately.
23. But…fat vegans?
That people can tell thin/skinny people that they need to eat more or gain some weight.
You can not do the inverse and tell an obese person that should be eating less or to lose some of that fat because they’d take it as an insult.
That I’m supposed to hate myself for being unemployed. I apply for every job in my field I’m qualified for, have a great looking resume, write customized cover letters… no, it’s not fucking good enough. I’m supposed to go do volunteer work or walk around the city doing god-knows-what just to say I didn’t sit at home in my underwear watching Spongebob. You know what, fuck you, just because you need a “purpose in life” doesn’t mean I do too.
Weddings are currently a huge waste of time and money. Just get married for fuck’s sake.
That men are supposed to buy diamond rings for women they want to marry.
The diamond industry is one massive marketing scheme with a very dark behind the scenes situation. I’m not a cheap ass either, I’d just rather propose to someone and be like “Hi, this is the house I made a down payment on. Marry me please.”
Thank you cards. I said thank you in person.
Whenever I receive thank you cards they get opened and immediately thrown out. Its just wasteful.
Let me work when I feel productive. Don’t expect me to sit in a chair, for 8 straight hours and do my best work. That shit happens when I’m in my pajamas, in front of a fireplace, with a beer.
The inability to politely reprimand other people’s children. Sooooo many times I have just wanted to say to a kid “please sit down and be quiet” when his/er parents assume that “happy children are just naturally noisy! Deal with it!” is an appropriate response.
I wish that sex could not be viewed as dirty or obscene. It’s a normal act. I hate it when parents keep it from their kids for “moral reasons.” We’ve been made to believe that it’s a taboo, repulsive thing, when it’s not. It’s like drinking alcohol: you have to have some maturity to have a healthy participation and it’s perfectly fine if you’re ready for it. Hell, it’s even fine other times but you can let them find that out on their own.
Being required to give a fuck about professional and college sports if you are a man. I loved playing sports in high school and I’ve played sports intermittently since then, I just don’t care about them if I’m not playing or my kids aren’t playing. People have literally stopped talking to me at parties once I tell them I have no idea who the number one draft pick was or I have no opinion on the Lions defense.
Having to be polite to people you fucking hate just because they are related to you. You have no fucking idea how much I want to tell my grandparents just to shut the fuck up and get the hell out of my face.
Wearing a bra. I know this is such a first world problem but I HATE spending so much money only to buy bras that never fit exactly right and are just uncomfortable. I prefer wearing nothing but I can’t bring myself to do it. I work at a church and can’t imagine for one second the parents of the kid’s that I watch being okay with me going braless. Plus the few times I do go braless I get the worst stares from all these uptight girls. Bitch you have them too.
That two guys hugging is gay.
Really pisses me off, a handshake doesn’t cover it and I just want a damn hug.
Suits and dress clothes mandatory in businesses. When I’m sitting in my cubicle for 9 hours a day, I want to be comfortable. Not being strangled by a tie in itchy, uncomfortable clothes. Bring on the sweatpants.