When I was 6 or 7 years old I had been taking my own showers for about a year. One night after bathing I found out I could reach the shower curtain rod and that it made a great monkey bar. So I started swinging on it and I had no idea that it was not mounted into the wall and was only held on by it’s own pressure (it was spring loaded, you know what I mean).
So all of a sudden this thing obviously comes tumbling down as I was swinging on it. My already suspicious mother (due to how long I was in there for) heard the crash and came up to see what in the hell was wrong.
She came in to see me lying on the floor naked with nothing but a wet curtain over me and the shower rod in the tub. She new exactly what was happening and if I wasn’t under the curtain I would have seen the light bulb go off in her head right before she said, “Fix it, finish toweling off and then go see your father.
I was terrified.
I went down to the basement where my dad was working on his mountain bike and he says, “Now, Nicholas (my first name) I’m not mad but I just want to tell you a story.” A wave of confused relief came over me. I had no idea what the hell was going on. Here’s the story he told:
“There was a monkey who loved to swing in a big tree in the jungle. It was a beautiful tree. However, there was problem! The tree was also the favorite resting place of a ferocious lion. One day the lion got angry with the monkey because he began to make too much noise. The lion scared the monkey out of the tree and said never to come back with a big loud ROAR! The monkey did not learn however and he came back the next day. The lion was dumbfounded but impressed by the monkey’s bravery so instead of killing him he gave him an option. He asked the monkey, ‘Okay I gave you a warning but I have to respect your courage. I can either bite your tail off or your head off.’ After thinking about it the monkey replied, ‘Definitely bite my head off!’ The lion was confused and said, ‘Okay but I have to ask why. You could live a normal life without a tail.’ and the monkey said, ‘Yeah but if you bite off my tail I’ll look like that ugly human child Nicholas.'”
… jaw dropped. – porkdrunk522
2. I WON’T GIVE IN
I was always terrible at doing chores, especially the dishes. One day my mom went out and bought 1 of everything, all in blue (1 blue plate, one blue fork… and so on) and told me that was all I was allowed to use and no one else would wash them.
There were nights I would be sitting at the table eating spagetti out of a mug with just a knife. To this day, I’m not sure who really won that one. – andyvw
3. This is my FINAL warning!
My father would threaten to cancel our life insurance when we were 5 or 6. We didn’t know what that was, but god dammit we needed it. – Awful_Antagonist
4. Do you want to go into the attic?
My father would tell me that he built me from spare parts in the basement, and that his earlier, failed attempts lived in the attic, and that if I misbehaved he could easily send me to live with them and just build a new me. The imagery was horrifying, and it also kept me from exploring in the parts of the house he didn’t want me in. – Snowleaf
5. My sister wanted it too
When I was six, the child psychologist said that I needed “boundaries” and suggested that my parents punish me by making me stand on a kitchen towel in the middle of the room, kinda like standing in the corner but where I could see all the things I couldn’t participate in.
Well and good, until my two year old sister decided that it looked like fun. She got a towel of her own, carefully laid it out next to mine and stood next to me.
Punishments are less effective when the parents can’t help but laugh. – Sapientiam
6. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. …
Not me, but my younger cousin. I was visiting them in Taiwan one summer, and he was horsing around, being a normal hyperactive 8ish-year-old despite my uncle (his father) telling him to calm down. He then happens to knock a container of colorful beads over, spilling them all over the floor. Instead of scolding him, my uncle lightly reprimanded my cousin, and, with the faintest hint of a smile, made him pick each bead up, apologize to it individually, and replace it in the bin. – shamHu
7. THOSE DAMN COMMIES
My mom would threaten to sell me to the Russians if I misbehaved.
I didn’t even know what Russians were, but I was terrified of them. – thepopcornator
8. I can’t believe my dad
I think I was 15 (definitely in high school) and got caught cutting classes. For the next week, my dad (who was older and had retired the year before when he was 59) went to school with me. He drove me to school and then attended every class with me. He also ate lunch with me and my friends. Oh, did I mention that he wore his pajamas? He did. He didn’t shave all week, either. By the time Friday rolled around, he looked like a crazy ass, homeless person. I never cut class again. I sure do miss him. – TheOpus
9. Stop fucking reading books and go out and kiss someone, dammit
I was an absolute book worm when I was a kid. Being sent to my room did nothing as I’d spend most of my day curled up in there reading anyway.
So, my parents used to padlock my bookshelf and force me to go outside for punishment. – honorarykiwi
10. CANDY I WANT CANDY
I was standing in line at a major supermarket and in front of me was a woman and a small girl (about 4), and in front of them was a young mother, with a small boy (about 3). The little boy asked his mother for a candy bar, and was told ‘No’. The little boy then asked for a candy bar again, and he was told ‘No’, again. So at this point he decided to have a temper tantrum. He threw himself on the ground, cried, screamed, called his mother a ‘stupidhead’, amongst all of the classic tantrum behaviour. So his mother then whispered to the mother standing behind her and they smiled, all while this little boy was hysterical about being denied a candy bar. His mother then took a candy bar from the shelf and put it in her cart. The boy was happy upon witnessing this and his tantrum stopped.
The mother and son then went through the checkout and payed. The mother then turned around and handed the candy bar to the little girl behind her in line. She looked directly at her son and said “Children who behave are rewarded, and children who throw tantrums and embarrass their mothers get nothing.” She turned around on her heels and walked away from the boy who was left silent with his jaw laying on the floor. A bunch of us broke out in applause. It was brilliant. – cdawg85
11. But I’m only 5, I don’t carry cash with me
I used to be a store manager for Blockbuster. One day this mother and son were checking out and the kid raised all kinds of hell. “I WANT A CANDY BAR. WAH WAH” The mother keeps saying “No, I already told you no.” Then this kid thinks he has a fool proof plan. The kid open a snickers bar right there and takes a bite. He then says “now you have to buy it.” The mother is shocked and says “You’re absolutely right.” Turns to me and says, “We’ll have the candy bar also.” I scan the candy bar and she says “Now, throw it away please.”
The look on the kid’s face was priceless. The way she trolled that kid was amazing. – danheinz
12. ANYWHERE BUT THERE, OH MOM, PLEASE
When I was probably six, I was being a little shit – all day. When taking away privileges and a quick spanking didn’t work to put down my defiance, my mom started packing a bunch of my toys into a suitcase. When I asked what she was doing, she told me that if I couldn’t behave I’d have to go live with the bears. (This may have sounded awesome to some kids – but not to me. I lived in Alaska where they were around occasionally and fucking terrifying.)
She then bundled me up, handed me the suitcase and a couple snacks and juice boxes, led me out to the porch and told me to start walking. She then turned her back and went inside.
While I was terrified, I was still defiant. I just knew she was going to change her mind and apologize for being horrible to me. I must have spent an hour walking back and forth past the house figuring she’d regret it. I thought she’d see me just casually walking by and be so thankful that I just happened to be by the house after such a long time…
Needless to say I ran back sobbing and begging to be let back in, which she graciously allowed – having watched me from the house the entire time probably chuckling. It was a weird moment for me, because my mom is the kind of person you’d never expect that from. – bowseratediddy
13. I got blisters on my fingers!
I got caught skipping school when I was 14. My Dad told me that he was taking me out of school the next week. Everyday that week he would drop me off at a local business (he knew all of these people) and told them “Here’s your free helper! He doesn’t want to go to school, so he gets to work!” They would work me, doing the worst shit ever, for 8 hard hours every day.
One week of that and I was begging to go back to school. – irishamerican
14. My parents have been lying to me all this time
Not sure if it’s a punishment, but when I was a kid, my parents told me that the ice cream truck was the “fish truck” so that I wouldn’t chase after it and beg for ice cream like all of the other kids when I heard the music playing in the neighborhood. I didn’t understand why any kid would willingly beg for fish, until I was about 12 and realized my parents had been lying to me after I witnessed a friend’s transaction for ice cream. – jordan1007
15. Pre-Internet life was awful
I had to write reports based on whatever I did wrong.
Once I got caught in a lie and I had to write a report about 5 famous liars.
Once I refused to take a bath and I had to write a report about germs.
This was before the internet. We had a set of encyclopedias and that was it. It was surprisingly effective. – PenelopePeril
16. Did you at least get someone?
When I was a kid my sister got detention for shooting rubber bands at kids in the lunch room. When the Principal called my mom she instinctively asked “Well did she hit anybody?”, to which the principal quickly replied that it was not relevant. Later on that night, however, my dad set up a target in the kitchen, on the fridge, and my sister’s punishment was that she had to spend an hour a night shooting rubber bands at that target. He explained to her that if she was going to get in trouble for something, she better at least be good at it. – wish_you_were_here
17. Well, that was awkward
My sister walks into my room one day (she was probably 15 or so, I was 11ish), closes the door and asks me if I jerk off. I said yes, and she asked why. I just said “I dunno, it’s fun?” She left and my mom calls us into her room and asks what we were talking about because she saw the door closed and heard “because it’s fun.” I assume she thought we were talking about drugs so we assured her it wasn’t that but we weren’t going to tell her what we were talking about. She started to get pissed and told us there are no secrets in the house, we’re both grounded, tell her this instant, blah blah. So we tell her no, but we’ll tell my dad when he gets home from work (my dad being much more mellow than my mom). So me and my sister waited downstairs for my dad to get home and told him what happened. My dad just laughs at me and says “so you spank the monkey huh?” It was really awkward…I think I stopped jerking off for at least a month. – theungod
18. This is how you become stupid
Picked my nose as a kid. Mom told me that my snot was actually my braincells, and that I was slowly destroying my brain. Terrified. – KirbStompKillah
19. Was that a fart?
I wouldn’t quit making pig noises at my Christmas dinner. My parents decided to punish me by making me go into the bathroom and make pig noises as loud as I could. Despicable punishment if you ask me. – ohgawdbeez
20. My Christmas, it sucked!
One Christmas eve, I played sick while the family went to Midnight Mass. As soon as they left, I unwrapped all my presents and wrapped them back up very carefully. My mom didn’t say a word when she came home and looked at the tree.
The next morning, my favorite gift was nowhere to be seen, and my sister got a bunch of my clothes. I couldn’t say anything.
The next year (having decided I would just be more careful) I started unwrapping again each time one was under the tree. They contained dead flowers and rocks taped to the box. Again, I couldn’t even say anything.
Mom told me years later she always knew when I was at it as I would stomp around the house and glare at everyone all day. – [deleted]
21. My dinosaur didn’t even protect me
When I was a little brat, I used to threaten running away whenever my parents tried to punish me…
Well, one day, after one of my hissy fits/threats I stomp into my bedroom to find my dad taking clothes from my dresser and putting them in a suitcase. The last thing he tucks in is my stuffed alligator (who I called dinosaur) that I’ve had since I was born as he looks at me and smiles saying, “you’re definitely gonna’ want him!”
I’m standing there, wide eyes, jaw to the floor, astounded and confused as hell. When I ask him what he’s doing he tells me that he’s packing my bags for me, he figures it would take me a while and, because I want to run away now, he’ll go ahead and help me out a bit.
He hands me my bag and proceeds to escort me to the back door. Just before he closes the door, he encourages me to pick some of the pears and berries that grow in our yard so that I’ll have some food to sustain me as I live on my own. “It’s a really big step you’re taking, deciding to live on your own. Good luck. I love you.” He closes the door and I hear the click signifying that he has locked it.
So there I am, 6 or 7 years old, with a suitcase, dinosaur and fruit, fucking clueless.
Of course I start off as stubborn as hell and I pick a pear or two and make my way to the gate where I proceed to walk down the street or our busy neighborhood. I imagine about 20 neighbors passed, unable to process what they saw. I walked for about 20 minutes before I notice this strange car is sneakily following me. I begin to get scared out of my mind and I dart to the nearest tree and hide as much as I can. It’s pretty dark outside and I’m terrified. I start to cry insanely as a shadowy figure approaches me. At this point I’m yelling and screaming absolute nonsense, regretting my decision to ever leave home, shouting apologies to the air. Finally, the figure steps a little closer and I realize it’s my dad. I was too spooked and it was too dark for me to tell that it was him following me all along to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid and that I stayed safe.
I cried so much when I figured out it was him and I begged him to let me move back in and told him I was so sorry for ever moving out. He smiled, wrapped me in a much needed hug and kissed me on the forehead. Once my tears dried and I was calm he told me that I was more than welcome to move back in, but that he had already rented my room out to a student (we lived very close to Elon), He said that I could sleep on the couch until we figured something out.
I was just ready to be back home so I agreed, unable to be at all upset at the idea of actually having a roof over my head.
Needless to say, I never threatened to run away again. Oh, and for clarity’s sake: my dad didn’t actually rent out my room, he’s just a trollermeister meistertroll. – ashleyhype
22. I’m watching you
My mom took my door to my room away when I was being a dickhead. – Thizzlebot
This is my friend’s story…
When she was about 6 years old, she was being driven home at dusk in the car with her parents and her sister who is 3 years older than her. This was in the north of scotland where there’s a lot of fields and forests.
Usual sisterly bickering was going on in the car and they were both repeatedly told to be quiet. When they didn’t comply, their dad pulled the car over to the side of the road and told them that because they wouldn’t shut up, they’d be walking home, by themselves.
“FINE!” (they’re both quite headstrong characters).
They were taken out of the car, and lifted over the fence into a field that was bordered by a forest.
“Walk straight through the field, and straight through the forest and you’ll be at the house.”
Huffing, they both started stomping across the field. Then, they heard their mum’s voice shouting in fear:
“Malcolm… Malcolm! Oh my god! What IS that?”
Both girls start to falter in their stride and glance backwards.
“Malcolm! The eyes! Red eyes in the forest!”
Then their dad starts to shout, “RUN! GIRLS RUN! QUICKLY, GET BACK HERE!”
So both of them start running full pelt back to the car in total fear. They get to the fence. Laura is lifted over no problem.
“Quick, get into the car!”
She’s bundled into the back, and at this point, both parents are acting like they’re in a total panic and their mum is still shrieking in fear.
Then their dad goes to lift Hannah over the fence and tells her, “Hannah, I can’t lift you! You’re too heavy!” And he begins to leave her to get himself back in the car. She of course is wailing at this point so her dad finally lifts her over, and puts her in the back.
They drive off. There is total silence from both kids for the rest of the journey home. – brass_neck
24. This is arguably the most evil thing ever
Short and Sweet: First major hangover, Dad woke me up at 7 and made me go sailing, that brilliant prick. – Jwilliams2814
25. I know what you’ve done
I stole some of my Grandfather’s whiskey when I was 8 then topped it off with water so he wouldn’t notice. Yeah right. The only Christmas present I got that year was a Junior Detective finger print kit and he made me dust the bottle while he was laughing his ass off. Busted. – fistpunch
26. My dad had some bad karma
I was a kid on a 3 day road trip with my family. We had rigged up a little TV in the back, where we would hook up the playstation and play video games, etc. Unfortunately, that got old, so me and my older brother ended up picking on each other. He would poke, and I would poke, hitting, kicking, etc. bitching over who was crossing onto who’s side of the car.
My dad had told us numerous times before to stop yelling and fighting, but we just couldn’t keep our hands off of eachother.
So my dad pull over, and pulls a roll of Duct Tape out of the center console, and tapes both of our mouths shut. That didn’t stop us from hitting each other, so 5 miles down the road, he taped our hands together, and them to the armrests. We still kept kicking, so he taped our ankles together, and to the bottom of the seats.
4 hours of peace and quiet later, we were at home.
My dad said that he hoped the police pulled us over, because he would have let them take us at that point. – whiteguycash
27. My evil genius mother
My mom was pretty stone cold– but I always thought this was a fairly amazing punishment.
I’d acted up in second grade and my teacher called my mom.
When we got home, she told me to go up to my room and she’d be up in a minute to spank me.
My mother’s spankings were fucking brutal. She would spank me with this thin bamboo back-scratcher thing that stung like a hot knife on your ass and legs. That motherfucker would make Kunta Kinte say, “Hey, chill out with that thing. That shit hurts. Jesus.”
I was shitting bricks of anticipation in my room. 20 minutes passed. Then an hour. Then two. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went downstairs to see what the hold-up was. I just wanted to get my ass kicked and have it over with.
And there my mom was, drinking wine on the couch and watching Donahue.
I thought about just how awesome that punishment was. She got two hours of uninterrupted peace and quiet while I was shitting pure terror dumplings upstairs. – beefwich
28. Troll dad
I got sent to my room one evening and told to stay there. This wasn’t a big deal to me because I had a TV and all my books in there and I figured I’d just read until my time was served. Unfortunately I failed to account for Troll Dad. Just as I was curling up in my bed to start a new chapter, all of the lights in my room went out and it was pitch dark. While I had been getting out my copy of Ender’s Game and arranging my pillows, my father had secretly been making his way to the circuit breaker in the basement for the purpose of cutting off power to my room. I passed the rest of that evening in darkness and silence, plotting my revenge. Eventually (the next day after school) power was restored, and by that time I had developed a plan to steal and hide all of my father’s pants, one pair at a time over the course of a couple of weeks. When these actions were discovered, I was punished yet again, and I plotted yet again, and the circle of life continued on like this until I moved away. – [deleted]
29. Scared the shit out of her
The following story is my sister’s. I never got punished, because I am the good sibling. ;)
When my sister was about 7 or 8, she would quite often roam around our neighborhood during summer, just to play with all the other kids. My mom always told her to be back at a certain time, but usually she showed up late. Well, for failing to be back in time one day, she got grounded for a week.
On the last day of her punishment, she saw a neighbor walk her dog and begged to be allowed to join her, just for 15 minutes. My mom, being soft and everything let her go along. 20 minutes later, they come back, and sis asks for permission to walk with the neighbor and dog to the neighbor’s house. No big deal, that’s a 50 m walk. She should be back in 2 minutes.
2 hours later, she still isn’t back. The street we are talking about it a small blind alley, you can’t get out unless you walk past our back yard. My mom could actually hear my sister play the whole time with the dog and the neighbor’s daughter in their yard. By 9:30 pm, she decides to teach my sister a lesson.
She turns off every single light in the house. Locks all the doors. And then she waits. Around 9:45 my sister finally comes back to find the whole house being dark and locked. And then she freaks. She starts banging on the side door, made out of solid wood. Screaming in panic that she doesn’t want to be locked out. My mom is inside, dying of silent laughter. Then my sister starts banging on the other door leading to the garden, but this one is actually made out of glass. She bangs on the glass door so violently that my mom is worried she might break it, still kicking and screaming.
Mom then walks out of the wooden door, all silent, approaches sister from behind and just goes: BOO!
My sister was, to this day, never ever late again. She is 16 now. – silima