Little background story. My boss is a huge douche. All he does all day long is walk around and make sure everyone has their shirt tucked in. (And generally be a negative prick who everyone hates.)
So I come into work on my birthday the other day, and my friend runs up to me and yells “kazin420!!! happy bday!!!” right in front of my bosses office. He looks up and says “kazin420!” I’m thinking he’s going to say happy bday since he no doubt heard her, instead he said “yeah go ahead and tuck your shirt in k?” and he does the hand signal like he’s tucking in an imaginary shirt. So I say “ok no prob, I just have to put my stuff down real quick and I’ll take care of it.” So I walk over to my desk, which takes approx 7 seconds to get to. I go to put my stuff down, and as I am he comes up behind me again and says, “I said to tuck in your shirt!” So I quickly tuck it in, and as he’s walking literally right by me i say “sorry i just had to put my stuff down first” and he walks by like I never said a word.
Immediately, I bust out my HR manual, and check out the rule on tucked in shirts. Turns out you must tuck in all shirts EXCEPT a Hawaiian shirt or a “Guayabera” shirt. So I take my ass to walmart, and buy 10 of those fuckers, and wear the most obnoxious Hawaiian looking shirt the next day. The second I walked in, he looked me up and down, glared, turned around and walked away. When everyone asked why I was wearing such a ridiculous shirt, I told them about the loophole, and now half my office is wearing hawaiian shirts, and its driving my boss crazy…all within the guidelines outlined by company policy =)
This story is about my buddy’s father, a former university prof. At one time, the university instituted a dress code forcing professors to wear ties. In protest, he bought the most lewd, ridiculous and outrageous ties he could find. Fish ties, dick ties, piano keyboard ties. He became something of a hero to his students who regularly bought him the most offending or off-colour ties they came across. The university ended up rescinding the dress code.
He passed away about 10 years ago and they had a reception for him where they displayed his hundreds of ties and invited mourners to take one in his honour. I showed up late and all the dick and fish ties were gone. It was a sad day.
My brother in law worked for UPS for 17 years. He was a bit of a joker and was constantly getting in trouble for coming to work with crazy hair colors, or cornrows (he was a big Italian guy and was told it wasn’t appropriate). It was always something. But they couldn’t say anything about him wearing sunglasses. So his little rebellion was he would wear the most outrageous sunglasses he could think of. Ones shaped like giant red lips, guitars with the stems sticking up, purple ones with rhinestone hearts on them. Anything for a laugh. After a while people knew him by his glasses. If some one said they lived in a certain area I would say, “Oh my brother in law is your UPS man, the guy with the crazy glasses.” and their reply would almost always be something like,”Oooooh John. Yeah I love that guy, he’s hilarious.” He passed away 4 years ago, he was hit by a drunk driver while he was out walking one night.
When we attended his funeral all of the guys from work came dress in their browns with crazy sunglasses on. His best friend gave his eulogy wearing a pair of neon green glasses three times the size of his face and the pastor even borrowed John’s guitar glasses when he went up to speak. After his funeral we counted, he had over 200 different pairs. What started as him being a pain in the ass to his boss ended as a tribute to his character in life of always wanting to make some one else smile.
A couple of friends of mine work at Wal-Mart. They found out that kilts are well within the dress code as long as they are the correct color. Drove their managers nuts. It’s been a year and absolutely no problems though. :)
while I was in the Navy it was recommended that I get a extensive surgery on my ankle. My command felt that I “didn’t deserve a bunch of time off for a surgery” so they said they would approve it but none of the convalescent leave. They refused to sign ANY paperwork.
First thing I did was hit them with the regulation stating that they were required to respond to all requests within a certain amount of time (3 days I think). They responded with a “no”. So then I had Navy legal draw up paperwork (with accordance to regulations) that my command would be responsible for 100% of my medical care if they did not abide by doctors orders. I then let them know that would mean that ALL of my medical care would then be handled by civilians and the command would be responsible for paying the bill out of their budget.
They approved my surgery, convalescent leave, and convalescent leave extension.
I used to work for this small town, twice weekly newspaper. The editor/publisher, mayor, county commissioner and a few other people were skimming tax dollars. When I confronted my boss about it, he told me he’d blackball me if I said anything.
So I went to the local television station, tipped them off and they uncovered the story. When they won their awards, my name was added to the list of reporters.
I still can’t get a job as a journalist, but damn if it didn’t feel good.
Used to work at a TV station. Absolutely awful management and horrible bosses. Complained about it to friends all the time. Some would even ask me on facebook about my job and I would reply- but I knew I could get fired for speaking ill of the company. So I read the HR Handbook and found out as long as I don’t specifically name the company, I can’t be fired for it. So, about a month later, I realize I can’t take this shit anymore and post on facebook how terrible my job is, never mentioning the company by name. They fire me a day later, I gladly walk out of that building and into a lawyer’s office – got $17,800 – my yearly salary (seriously). Feelsgoodman.
Worked in one corporate kitchen where our GM didn’t like our music so he would put on children’s music, so we all started singing a long at the top of our lungs…We won that war of attrition.
Years later in another kitchen we had surround sound in a closed kitchen where the uppity GM did not like our music and started passing draconian censorship rules about the music…so we switched it to children’s music for a week.
My boss went away for about 3-4 weeks for a conference, and while he was away, a workmate and I had an idea… a george foreman grill, and then we’d go to the deli and grab stuff for lunch: hamburgers, lamb chops, pork, steaks etc.
We did this every day for over a month, and when the boss got back he put a stop to it, with the exact words “I don’t want that thing inside the office.”
So we took it to the shared kitchen area on our floor (We rented a suite).
When he got angry at that, and said “I DONT WANT IT ON THIS FLOOR”, we took it down to the underground parking area and used the power outlet at his parking space while he was out at lunch. he caught us because he was coming back from lunch with a business partner (in the car with him) and we were hunched over a tiny George Foreman grill making hamburger patties.
Imagine 3 IT guys, crouching on the ground like cavemen, in a poorly lit underground parking lot, cooking hamburger on the concrete floor. Yeah, it went over about as well as you would think.
If he didn’t specifically use the words “Take that home or I will break it and throw it in the trash” our next step was to use the power point in the parking lot of the church directly opposite the building (and facing his office)
Back when I was working and attending classes I would go straight from campus to work, getting me there anywhere from 10-20 minutes early before my shift. On occasion my boss would ask me to help him out with something before I clock on, putting something away or answering the phone. Over the span of a couple months, this evolved from ‘occasionally‘ to “every day your shift starts when you get here.”
After doing this for a couple weeks (still clocking in at my usual 3pm) I decide that if I’m working for a few extra minutes each day, I’m gonna get paid for it. I did this ONCE, and I didn’t make it an hour into my shift before my boss is screaming at me and throwing down the employee handbook saying that I’m only allowed to clock in 5 minutes before and after my scheduled shift.
Needless to say, I made it a point to not check in until 5 minutes after my scheduled shift every day, no matter how early I was. Fast forward 3 months and my boss gets fired. He got what was coming to him.
Not my story, but a co-worker: Worked at a waterpark. Supervisor was a bitch who wouldn’t let the lead guards at the top of the tallest slide in the park go to the bathroom. Guard at the top is radio-ing that he needs to take a shit, but she won’t let him. Mind you, the lead guards are allowed to ride down every once in a while to make sure no tubes are stuck. Lead guard is about to shit his pants in front of a ton of guests, so he goes into the utility closet and shits in a bucket of cat litter we kept to clean up vomit. He then proceeds to ride the slide down to clean himself off and left the supervisor to clean up his bucket of shit.
My father was working in a post office in the early 80’s. It was an unusually hot day with ~85°F inside. There were no fans available so it was crazy. Men weren’t allowed to wear shorts, but dad came to work wearing shorts which covered his knees and a part of his shin, figuring he was fine. He wasn’t, and his boss sent him home to change. He returned in his grandfather’s bonjour from the late 19th century. Top hat and all. The boss kept asking if it wasn’t a little hot in that suit but he said he was fine.
I used to work at a lingerie store as an assistant manager so I had to dress nice and look professional. All the other girls wore huge heels and always ended up complaining about how sore their feet were at the end of their shift and I always wore flats to avoid having sore feet. They were still nice, stylish shoes, but they didn’t have towering heels on them.
My manager always used to get mad at me for not wearing heels and tried to claim it was part of the dress code. I looked it up and showed her that it didn’t say anywhere that I had to wear heels, just that I had to wear acceptable work attire or something like that and she tried to tell me it was an out of date dress code or something so I would tell her that she should get an updated one then. Eventually, she brought head office into the argument and the provincial manager was trying to tell me to wear heels to work. I told them they would have to pay me more than minimum wage to ruin my feet. I did not get a raise and no one ever told me to wear heels to work again.
I used to work at the Jaws ride at Universal Studios Florida. Our uniform consisted of a blue t-shirt, jeans or jean shorts, white socks, and white shoes. The “unofficial” dress code had all of us girls wearing jean shorts and white knee socks.
One summer, I ended up working the Jaws ride and The Jungle Cruise at Walt Disney World simultaneously. I love Disney, and had always wanted to work there, but I ended up finding it stifling, with all sorts of silly and over the top rules.
At the Jungle Cruise, you wear a khaki shirt, khaki shorts or pants, white socks, and brown shoes. One day, I didn’t have any normal sized socks to wear to the Jungle Cruise, so I ended up wearing my white knee-highs, which looked RIDICULOUS with the Jungle costume. When I got to work, one of my managers flipped his shit, told me my socks weren’t in compliance with “The Disney Look” (the official policies on how to dress at Disney) and made me roll my socks down. It looked like I was wearing little white life preservers around my ankles, and looked more out of place than they looked originally.
I was annoyed, so when I went home, I scoured my Disney Look booklet for the policies pertaining to socks. All I could find was that socks had to be long enough to cover the ankle bone. There was no maximum height. Hell, I could have worn white tights under my khaki shorts if I really wanted to.
The next day, I wore my knee-highs again, as a small act of rebellion. The same manager was there, and he flipped out. He actually pulled me into the office to write me up, but before he could get me to sign the paperwork, I pulled out my copy of The Disney Look and showed him that, while incredibly silly looking, my socks were perfectly acceptable, and that I would continue wearing them like that.
And so I did. I looked stupid, but I didn’t care. Working for Disney wasn’t a pleasant experience in my opinion, and it was very liberating to know that I could at least wear my socks however the hell I wanted to.
Working at Big 5 there was a policy that men had to be clean shaven or have a mustache; no beards or goatees or star-burns. I can NOT wear a mustache without looking like either a pedophile or an 80’s porn star, but I hate shaving every day. So I grew out the biggest, creepiest Hulk Hogan stache ever witnessed and wore it proudly for the entire time I worked there.
I work in foodservice. My job created a rule one day that one’s hair can not touch one’s collar. I have rather long hair, but I always kept it in a braid and we wear hats, anyways. I was informed of this rule about two hours before the end of my shift, and told that I HAD to comply IMMEDIATELY because I was breaking health code. I politely informed them that no, I was not. This was a store policy — but I would be happy to come in with my hair up the next day. I didn’t think this was unreasonable, it takes a while — not to mention pins/hair product/etc. to keep my hair up. Not good enough! NOW!! So I punched out for a break, bought rubber bands and floral wire, made 8 braids with the wire woven in, and stuck them in every direction. Boss saw me and began screaming. I calmly told him my hair wasn’t touching my collar.
Boss told me “you have to cover X this upcoming weekend, both days, since everybody else said no.” I said “How do you know I’ll say yes?” He said “you have to, there’s nobody left.” I said, “You’re wrong, I’m left. But I quit. Now there’s nobody left.” He was speechless, his expression was priceless, I stood there about 10 seconds and said, “I’m walking away now” and left.
Thank God this happened the day after I had (secretly) secured a better job.
Probably one of my fondest memories.
After being treated like shit for months without end I presented my resignation and even gave my bosses the choice of when it would be a good time to leave the company, to be sure I wouldn’t leave them with an unfinished project and in a tough situation.
I finished the last project I had been responsible for from start to finish, after many delays because I was plugging the old projects holes (my colleague’s, not mine) and problems, and being the customer’s free IT guy.
After receiving shit, despite my best efforts to try to leave the company in the best situation I could, I decided to not come in for the last two weeks of my contract.
On the first day my boss called me, asking if something had happened, and I said “No, I’m simply not coming back.”, to which she replied “What? You can’t do that!”, and to which I retorted “Yes I can.” and was then threatened “We’ll see about that.”
So she hung up, and I stayed at home, apparently her plan consisted of calling me repeatedly until I decided to come. Since that didn’t work, she called my mother, at her workplace (seriously).
I went back a few weeks later to sign the final payments, and left.
It was the first (and only) time I left a job on bad terms with my bosses, and although I’m not particularly proud of the way I handled it, I think they deserved some sort of backlash for the way I had been treated.
When I was in the Army, I pulled my car up to an ATM machine on base to get cash, 4 guys piled out leaving all doors open. While getting my cash, from somewhere behind me someone says “You actually drive that fucking piece of shit? I should call in for a tow truck”, without bothering to turn around I yelled back “fuck you AND your tow truck”. I never did see who it was as he was gone by the time I had my money.
Next day my squad leader calls me aside and asks me if I told SSG “P” to go fuck himself yesterday, and I had to admit that yes, I probably had. So I was in trouble. I had 3 other witnesses who were interviewed and signed sworn statements to the fact that I had told a staff sergeant to go fuck himself and a tow truck.
I was given the opportunity to read the incriminating statements before I made my own, just to point out that there was no point in lying. That was when I found out that only one guy had even known who it was because he was in civilian clothes…not on duty.
So my statement detailed an “aggressively profane and hostile person in civilian attire, identity unknown to me” whom I found to be acting irrationally, and attempted to diffuse further confrontation by “responding jovially in kind fashion”. The beauty was without reading the other statements, I’d have been unable to mesh my version of events so perfectly with the bland facts the others reported.
The key point is under the Uniform Code Of Military Justice, there is no such thing as “disrespecting a non commissioned officer”, only “insubordination” which is very clear about being in uniform.
At this point everyone decided the best thing to do was to sweep it under the rug as SSG “P” had far more to lose than I did, and magically everything went away.
“P” continued to be a dick to me at every opportunity, so I made it a point of yelling “Hey “P”! Fuck you!” whenever I saw him out of uniform. Eventually my squad leader asked me to stop as a personal favor to him, so i did…but it was fun for a while.
On the flip side, I’m the boss enforcing policy: When I took over the department, the old boss told me that the reason the place looked like crap was because when he asked a sales associate (base pay + commission) to clean or put up stock, they claimed it wasn’t in their job description. The main boss backed them up, calling it a technicality.
I pulled out the description and read out “Other duties as assigned by the Manager” on the last line. Two out of nine quit. My department is now clean and stock is always up. Sales are consistently up. I’m cool with that.
I work at Panera, and we were recently told we had to get non-slip/slip-resistant shoes, else risk being fired. Rather than buying the ugly black kind all of my coworkers got, I got a bright purple pair of Doc Martens. All of the managers gave me a “ಠ_ಠ are those slip-resistant?” You bet, motherfuckers.
I worked at a Petsmart 5 or so years ago, in the “Pet Hotel” where animals were boarded while their “Pet Parents” (owners) went on vacation. Everything I did was in the back. No customers ever saw me. Just the dogs and kitties.
But my bitch boss would always get onto me for forgetting my belt. So one day she was particularly mad at me about not having a belt despite the fact that I was picking that shift up last minute for someone who was sick. I pick up a dog leash, put it through my belt loops, and say “Well, it appears I now have a belt.”
In the Navy you must always have a white t-shirt under your uniform. I had a Senior Chief who constantly checked if your t-shirt was not visible and required that it bee seen. I checked the uniform regs and found that while in a working uniform you can wear a V-neck tee. Started wearing them and he took notice as soon as he saw me. I told him that the regs allowed it. He scowled and his only comment was, “One for the blue shirts” and walked away. Then he hammered me for every reg violation he could find. Smart asses never win. At least not in today’s Navy.
Company dress code allows women to wear open-toed shoes, so long as they are leather. The dress code does not allow men to do the same. A few years back, I started wearing leather sandals during the warmer months. A few managers mentioned to me that I was in violation of the dress code and I pointed out that my shoes would be considered acceptable if I were a woman and that it’s gender discrimination to deny me the ability to wear something that is considered ok on someone of the other gender. Haven’t heard any comments or problems since.
When I was working at an OfficeMax about 10 years ago, I was the only employee who didn’t smoke. Needless to say, everyone in the building took a 15 min smoke break 2-3 times a shift, and I got squat. One day, I asked the manager if I could have a “Clean Air Break”, and he was confused. I explained that since smokers can have their 15 min breaks 2-3 times a shift, I should be able to step outside and do the same without having to smoke. Irked my manager, but he knew he had to let me to avoid any discrimination.
I did a lot of things at my last job just to piss off management.
One thing that they really hated was this:
At our store they wanted a minimum of 70% of our transactions to be a membership transaction. So either someone with a membership, or we sign someone up for a membership. I would for a few days in a row get 100% (by only ringing one person through on my whole shift and making them use or sign up for a membership) and then randomly I’d ring someone though and make sure I don’t use their membership card, so that day I would be at 0%. When they’d come to me and bitch that my percentage was 0 I’d tell them that i’ve been 100% all week, and that it was only one transaction that I did that day and the person didn’t want to sign up.
They couldn’t get mad at me for 0% on 1 person (you can’t win em all) and they couldn’t get mad at me for only ringing in 1 person every other day because my numbers were 100%. It annoyed the hell out of them, but on paper it looked great.
I have a friend who in the last two years or so decided he wanted to grow out his beard indefinitely. He started off working at Papa John’s as a delivery driver when the beard was just starting and the guidelines were that you could only have a beard if you came into the job with it, otherwise you had to be clean shaven. He starts growing it anyway and for a while nothing happens. After about two months they tell him to cut it and he doesn’t respond at all and nothing. Another month later they tell him to cut it and instead he starts wearing a hairnet over the beard. Another two months or so passes by and they tell him that either he cuts his beard or he will be let go. So he tells them he’s going to cut it the next week, before his next shift.
He spends the next four days working his ass off to get a delivery job at a local pizza chain not two miles from Papa John’s. They give him the job and say he can start immediately. So he shows up to next shift at Papa John’s with the full beard intact, which has to be about 4-5 inches at this point and the manager asks him what he thinks he’s doing. He responds with “I’m keeping my beard is what I’m doing, I quit.” And he promptly leaves and started the next week with the local company, who didn’t care at all about his beard, and instead said it added personality.
It was pretty goddamn Metal.