1. Wool comes from where?
I had a friend who thought cotton came from sheep. She was mind blown when I asked where wool came from. Haha, funniest part was this black guy in the line ahead of us turned around and said, “No you gotta pick cotton. Trust me.” – HonorAmongSteves
2. Hah, evolution is for idiots.
Coworker: I don’t believe in evolution.
Me: [Dumbfounded, as she has an MS in microbiology] How did you go through six years of schooling?
Coworker: Well, obviously, I had to lie on some of the tests. – trustmeep
3. I can’t see money, so I don’t believe in money.
Told a lady friend that I was red/green colorblind. Later, when we happened to pass by a red car she asked me if I could see the car go by. She assumed that being red/green colorblind meant that I couldn’t see red or green objects. This lady is an elementary school teacher. – mistergigi
4. Can you see me now?
We were checking out Google Street view of our office, my co-worker jumped up and said, “I’ll go stand out the front, see if you can see me on here.” I work in IT. – amnezia
5. What the hell is a Vietnam?
Me: “Want to go out to this really good Thai and Vietnamese restaurant?”
Girl: “What is vietnamese?”
Me: “Food from the country of Vietnam.”
Girl: “Vietnam was a war, not a country.”
Me: jaw drops from disbelief “Yes it was a war, that the US fought in Vietnam, against the Vietnamese…”
Girl: “Are you serious? Or are you fucking with me?” – ameen1
6. GET THAT CORN OUTTA MUH FACE
This happened at my father’s job a few years ago: There was this black woman that always accused everyone of being racist if anything bad happened to her. In reality she was just an individual with a bad attitude and horrendous work ethic. She once called my dad and a few of his coworkers “crackers” while they were all on break.
There was another black coworker that was there, a young guy that everyone liked a lot because of his great attitude. He responded to her that she is the reason that black people are sometimes ridiculed for their actions and she should be very ashamed of her actions… her reply?
“Well you’re nothin’ but a black cracka get out my face.” Yeah… that. – CSec064
7. I can…like…be a total millionaire…
I worked at Blockbuster for about 2 years. They hired this extremely vapid girl right before I left and I was asked to train her. I was showing her how we organize the returned movies to be put back on the shelf. As we were getting them all in order she said, “They should make a place like Blockbuster, but for books.” I didn’t even bother reminding her that libraries exist. – pwylie
8. …Mountain Dew?
During a conversation about how good the weather has been recently:
Co-worker: Ya its been so sunny, but i think its been secretly raining at night!
Me: Why do you think that?
Co-worker: Because when I come out of my house in the morning the grass is wet.
Me: Are you talking about dew?
Co-worker: What dew?
Me: *Facepalm* – madahap_sgb
9. Bush is a baby? Yes, yes, I’ll vote for him.
Sometime around the 2004 election:
Me: So who are you voting for?
Acquaintance: Well, I think women should have the right to decide things about their own body, so that is why I am voting for Bush.
Me: * blank stare with jaw dropped * – hemmicw9
Had an awesome manager who had us (the sales team) in a meeting and was in front of the white board. He tried to draw a thermometer to illustrate progress but it looks MUCH more like a giant penis. The entire sales team was laughing until he turned around, saw it, and then tried to scribble it out in a fit of embarrassment. The scribbles ended up looking like a lot of pubes. He then spent 30 seconds finding a white board eraser.
We got very little done in that meeting from that point forward. – [deleted]
11. They bumped uglies.
“So, like, I get the Big Bang and all, but how did they get the planets to bang into each other?” – capgras_delusion
12. Haiti is NOT in America???
I live in Birmingham, AL for a company who puts up cell phone towers. There is a small town near Birmingham called, “Hayden.” When I mentioned one of the towers in Hayden, a coworker of mine said, “I can’t believe any towers there are left standing after that awful earthquake.” facepalm I calmly replied, “I think you mean Haiti…. the country.” She said, “OH! haha, I thought it happened in Hayden!” Jesus Christ. – penisbutt69
All from one guy:
“Dinosaur bones were placed here on earth to distract people like you from the word of God. I’ll pray for your soul so it won’t go to hell.”
“Your husband is not a true Mexican. He needs to control you more, not let you go gallivanting around like you do.”
“You can’t play -sport- because that will take away from your time with your husband. You’re married now. Your free time should be spent with your husband.”
“I won plane tickets to Paris. We’re just going for the weekend. Leaving Friday coming back Sunday.” – [deleted]
14. OOOOHHH MMMMYYY GOOOD TELL ME NOOOOW!
One day at work we were all telling dumb jokes and a buddy of mine says to the boss (who’s not the brightest crayon in the box to begin with) him: “Knock Knock” her: “who’s there?” Him: “Nobody” Her: “Nobody Who?” Him: -silence- (Like I said- we were going through our arsenal of dumb jokes) Her: “Nobody who??…..(more silence- obviously) “NOBODY WHO???” ….(She’s getting angry at this point and can’t understand the look of disbelief on our faces, making her even angrier, at this point she starts banging her fist on the table demanding a response) “NOBODY WHO???!!!!” She walked off in a rage while a group of us stood there with our jaws dropped. – flapflappy
15. Baccio Pontelli is rolling around in his grave.
Coworker: when do you think they’ll build the 17th chapel?
Me: what are you talking about?
Coworker: you know how they have the 16th chapel in Italy, when and where do you think they’ll build the 17th? – gilliam_dauterive85
16. Is a pedometer the same thing as a pedophile and what about pedosphere and pedology?
An employee of mine was humming ‘Party in the USA’ while doing her work. Suddenly she stops and says loudly “I LOVE Miley Cyrus!”
I said to her jokingly, “Yeah, because you’re a pedophile.”
Her slow response was “Yeah I like pop music.” I give her a funny look and ask her if she even knows what a pedophile is…at this point she gets quiet and says “No,” much to everyone’s amusement. Shes 25 by the way. – needslipo
17. I swear to my mother’s GRAVE that I’m right.
A former friend of a friend once insisted that North Carolina was NORTH of here. Otherwise it wouldn’t have North in the state name. We live in Maryland. Oh, and she is an elementary school teacher. – digitalboy218
18. Yes, yes they did!
I was in 8th grade, shadowing a high school history class, when a girl raised her hand and asked:
“Did the Germans win the Civil War?” –LinT5292