Oatmeal. Not like dry oatmeal either, it was an entire suitcase filled with cooked oatmeal. They lined the inside with plastic so that it wouldn’t leak.
Customs official here. Full animal spine, not professionally butchered, fresh with bits of flesh attached. Being brought in for voodoo/african witchcraft type ceremony. It took four people to restrain the woman when we took it. She reacted like we were holding a knife to her child’s throat or something.
Once upon a time my wife and I went on a vacation…. I dedicated an entire suitcase to toys. We didn’t have a dildo. We had dildos; plural. We also had handcuffs, whips, lube, butt plugs, rope…. you name it.
Checking in my wife pops positive for explosives (we both work in the defense industry) so they search all our bags right there at the check in counter….
We just smiled and said that we had every intention of enjoying our vacation. In a situation like that you have two choices: OWN it, or crawl under a rock and die. We chose to own it.
Six months later I happen to go through the same airport on a business trip. I walk up to the security counter, the lady looks up, gets a big smile on her face and says, “HI! So how was New York?”
Ya figure they’ve seen it all, but when the TSA agent remembers you six months later? Well, I’m guessing that if that agent were on Reddit my story would show up in this thread.
I was working as an usher for an event that did not require tickets, let alone a bag check. Nonetheless, a woman insists that she show someone her bag “to be safe.”
Inside: assorted regular purse items, a box of magnums, anywhere between $2500-$5000 cash, a razor, and a burrito.
I had to confiscate the burrito.
Worked in a cinema and we had a problem with people filming movies one summer. We had to check people’s bags to stop the piracy, one night this woman has a video camera in her bag, told her she couldn’t take it in the screen. The manager came over and told her he would keep it in the locked office and she could get it after the film finished. End of the night and the woman hasn’t collected the camera. So we decide to see what’s on the camera.
Hardcore ameture porn of this women getting fucked from all angles.
She never picked it up and the battery died pretty quickly.
I work as a baggage handler for a couple airlines in Canada. By far the weirdest came from a guy moving from Victoria to Montreal. His bags included: a regular checked bag, a very large (1.5 meter) taxidermy tuna and a USED toilet.
Oddest mix-up was a guy who was pulled aside in security, taken to a private room by police and CATSA agents to be searched and interrogated about a bomb in his bag. Turns out he wrapped his cell charger around his phone and placed it on top of a Mars bar. Apparently it fits the physical criteria for an organic bomb.
While working at the airport, I checked a bag that contained an entire goat, including the head. In pieces. Bloody, hairy pieces taped up in plastic bags.
Three thousand dollars in small, unmarked bills.
Friend of mine told me about 2 very odd ones. He was a TSA supervisor at an international airport. While he had a ton of stories, the 2 that got me were:
- Preserved human head. It was a professor from a college personally transporting it. Apparently it was rather important and was on loan. He forgot to file the paperwork, and just stuck it in his bag and sent it throw security. Missed his flight while they sorted it out.
- A custom lined briefcase with a couple hand made cattle prods, electrified “inserts” and restraint gear. Could obviously tell it was very high end stuff. It was a diplomat from another country, so they had to just ensure that the prods were not charged, and let him through with it.
I used to work on the border in Australia, and some of the shit people think they can bring into a country… I started keeping a list of some of the weirder shit, thought about writing a book one day. Here’s a few, and let me tell you, bags are just the start:
- Contraband parrots (live) hidden inside a taxidermist bear
- Smoked monkey meat
- Snakes (live) wrapped around the coils of old VHS tapes.
- Reptiles (live and dead) declared as a didgeridoo.
- Iguana hidden inside a prosthetic leg
- Frogs (live) concealed in film canisters
- Gift-wrapped hawk
- Pigeons taped to ankles and hidden under pants
- Vest of exotic bird eggs, worn
Those were some of the more memorable ones. Honestly, people are stupid, and guns, drugs, and what not are just the beginning of shit that’s travelling with you on a plane.
Back then we didn’t have a central security station and security screenings were done at the gate.
So we start to board and one lady and her boyfriend / husband is late. They do the security dance and the metal detector goes off. So the guys there see here heels, tell her to put them in the X-ray machine and pass the metal detector again – again beeping – so a pat down it is. Lady pats her down feels something weird in / under her skirt – asks what it is – girl start crying and telling her it’s a remote controlled butterfly vibrator. Boyfriend has the remote control. They make he take it off – go through detector and give it back.
We saw the whole ordeal and i really had to bite my lip to not say anything. We told the crew too have an eye on them so that they wouldn’t disturb the other passengers.
Second one was even more fun to watch in a way and with more repercussions too.
Same situation – security check at gate
Family with a girl and a boy – he was 18/19 – just finished his military service. Goes through detector – beeping – they ask if he forgot something in his pants – he is getting fidgety – but pulls out two bullets in the end – huge problem – now they have to call the police and explosives team. Dad is pissed about boy but pretty calm so far. Police comes, checks bullets and now the real fun begins – turns out the bulls are from the army and were apparently and unofficial souvenir – problem is that this is a pretty serious crime here since its military hardware. Dad freaks out starts to hit son – police has to separate them – arrests both – mum and daughter are crying – all stay put and we have to de-embark them.
I have to search clients bags as part of my job. Last spring I was searching a girls bag and all of a sudden I started to hear a buzzing noise. I start searching and searching, dreading what I might find. Dig, dig, dig, buzz, buzz, buzz. What do I find? A mother fucking tooth brush. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
Finally, something I can comment on! I worked security at an airport and apart from assorted dildos and vibrators, I’ve opened bags and found:
- A snake in a coke bottle full of embalming fluid.
- A rubber chicken.
- A human skull.
- Live cockroaches.
- Hundreds of condoms.
- And of course, a bag of poop.
A friend got me a job doing security at a theme park even though I am in no way qualified to be security. I wound up being stuck at the entrance either checking people who couldn’t go through the metal detector/beeped when going through the metal detector with the wand or checking bags.
One guy had two pistols on his person and got mad when we told him weapons weren’t allowed on the premises. He had a concealed carry permit and thought he should be able to carry there.
I remember being told about people finding sex toys and stuff in bags, but the strangest thing I found in a bag was car parts. It wasn’t a bag of food with a few car parts in it or anything like that, it was a bag filled to the brim with nothing but car parts. No tools or anything, just greasy car parts.
I worked as airport security for 5 years and I think the weirdest things I’ve seen are dildos. So not really that exciting. I guess the weirdest thing about that is what person has them in their bags most of the time. It seemed to be old men for the most part… weird.
Oh, wait. Well, there was one guy who was going to Mexico and was stopped with a baton and a kilo of rohypnol (rape drug). I didn’t find the drugs. I found the baton and the cops found the drugs.
Also patting down men with boners. That was great.