I was standing on my friends doorstep, eating some fries from Burger King and a big ass moth flew in my mouth. So probably BK’s fries.
Baby puke after tossing a baby in the air a few times.
I tried tickling my uvula with a feather that I found on the ground when I was a child because I thought it would feel cool. Somehow, I lost grip of the feather and it became stuck to the back of my throat. My tiny, child fingers could not get the feather from the back of my throat.
I swallowed it.
I cried about it to my mom and she just told me it’d be alright in a day. And it was.
(Producer’s Note: Obviously not as fierce, determined and cute as this.)
The contents of a rabbits stomach. Not the stomach organ, but the warm, chewed up stuff that was in there.
Why? Well I was at USAF survival training. Our instructor made us eat as much of the rabbit that we could. If you showed any aversion to eating something, then you were the one she targeted. Those who showed repulsion towards the stomach, at the eyeballs. My planned worked and I ate no eyeballs that day.
(Producer’s Note: If you’re a squeamish person (or just about to eat lunch) DO NOT CLICK ON THIS VIDEO.)
My cum, don’t ask.
(Producer’s Note: I’m surprised this is #5.)
I was masturbating and I THOUGHT my hands were perfectly clean. I went to pick something out of my teeth and discovered I thought wrong.
I was a young girl and one of my parents had purchased Oreos. I was eating some and halfway through my second cookie I realised that they were covered in ants. Some asshole had left them open over night near the sink which becomes an ant utopia every summer.
I have a conure parrot. I’ve had him for almost 15 years. He’s adorable but a bit spoiled as well. If it matters he’s a Jenday conure, and anyone who has ever owned a parrot will tell you they (most all midsized to large birds) are fond of socializing whenever there is food. They are communal animals and want to eat with you when you eat; it’s just an aspect of their instinct to flock and socialize with their family.
Well, one of my favorite snacks is freshly popped hot buttered popcorn. I have a popper, and not just one of those cheap air poppers, but a decent vegetable-oil based teflon-coated popper. The parrot naturally loves popcorn so one night I popped myself some corn and took in a movie. The bird is sorta chillin’ out with me, but is obviously keen to help himself to some of my popcorn.
Popcorn is one of the things I let him eat, as long as he doesn’t eat any with butter (they really don’t need any of that, dairy is not really great for birds).
So anyway, he hops up onto the edge of the bowl and helps himself to some corn. My attention span changes focus back to my movie. I’m lost in the movie for a bit I guess, during which the bird re-orients himself so his rear end is pointing inside the bowl rather than out.
I don’t think I need to explain what happens next, it’s fairly easy to figure out because I wouldn’t be talking about it today on reddit unless I ate me some fresh gooey bird poop.
It’s gritty.. nutty.. sandy almost.
(Producer’s Note: Is getting bird poop in your mouth as common as this makes it seem? It seems very calculating for the birds to do this. It’s premeditated pooping.)
A bee climbed into my can of soda without me noticing. It ended up in my mouth and at first I thought it might be a cigarette butt but then it fuckin stung my tongue. That sucked for about three days.
(Producer’s Note: Oh god, I had a bee sting my big toe while I was playing frisbee barefoot in a park. I can’t imagine getting stung on the tongue.)
CHEWING TOBACCO SPLOOGE! in a can of coke picked up the wrong can…
Animal piss. I was like 8 or 9. I was out playing in the snow, and was thirsty so ate some snow. It tasted weird. I looked down and it was yellow…
(Producer’s Note: You know, my parents never told me to eat the snow outside. They never told me about yellow snow either. Growing up in The Bronx, the snow, usually after plowing, turned a dirty shade of grey, so you usually didn’t want to taste them anyway. If anything, the snow around Bedford Park was unshoveled, but knowing how dirty that park was (this was in the 90s), you didn’t want to take handfuls of snow. Besides, you had better things to do, like pelt each other with snow.)
This happened last night. I was hungry, and I wanted some noodles. Now by the time I’m finished cooking this bowl of fucking amazing noodles, and took a few bites. Slurping it down as fast as I can cause I was just so hungry. Then I saw tiny black specks of something, and went in for a better look. It was some type of bug, but they were all still baby bugs millions of them. I went to check the package with the noodles and I almost threw up…
Chewy yogurt. Check the expiration date, kids.
Back story: I buy plain yogurt and add wildflower honey. The honey has lots of flavor, and gets really gooey when it hits the cold yogurt. Thus, I’m used to a little texture in my yogurt. A few days ago, I opened a new carton (I buy big tubs), spooned some out, added honey, and started reading reddit while having my breakfast. The fifth or sixth bite was chewy – really, really chewy.
Plot twist: I’m a microbiologist. I have no excuse for eating expired yogurt.
My now-husband’s snot.
He was driving, I was in the front, and our friend was in the back. This friend cannot resist Mountain Dew. I’ve watched him shotgun multiple cans within an hour. So this night, it was no different. There was an open Dew can in the back seat. He took a drink and said, “What the heck? Why does this taste like grape soda?” I didn’t really believe him, so I took a sip, and it totally did! We both take a few more sips before my husband says, “Umm…where did you get that?” The friend told him, and my husband responded with, “I shoot my snot into there.”
I still gag thinking about it. And I still don’t know why the hell my husband has grape flavored snot.
Some kind of soup in Korea. It came to the table in a sizzling iron bowl and smelled of feet. It truly didn’t taste bad… but a hoof popped up and I was done.
Baby snot. Both my kids have sneezed into my mouth. On one of those occasions a fully formed booger landed on my tongue.
(Producer’s Note: Touché.)
I was playing with my friend’s dog on her bed, basically play wrestling her dog, then she joins in on the play wrestling, she’s on top of me, the dogs on top of me, and well grabs the dog’s paw and puts it in my mouth -.-
So listen closely, I’m about to tell reddit about the time I ate an aborted baby. Well, some of it. When I met my girlfriend she was already pregnant with a kid from a previous engagement. The baby was roughly two months in development and everything seemed fine. I had no issue with eating out my pregnant girlfriend, the idea that any of this could happen never occurred to me.
Anyways, I’m going down to tongue her dirty business one day and I feel something a little clumpy make it’s way into my mouth. I stop eating her out and give the pussy a quick glance over to see exactly what the fuck was going on..and there are these little dark lumpy things on the lip of her vagina. They look a lot like blood clots, and I asked her to take a look. We were both baffled.
We later find out that it was pieces of her baby; she had miscarried and and her body was expelling it naturally piece by piece.
(Producer’s Note: HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR.)