Thought Catalog

Reasons I Didn’t Reply To Your Message On OkCupid

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Alright, so you’re single, socially awkward, and attempting to find love on the Internet. That’s cool, no judgment here. It never occurred to me that this sort of thing would be necessary, but apparently it is: reasons I didn’t reply to your message on OkCupid.

I Don’t Find You Attractive

I am picky; this is why I have an OkCupid. I’m just going to say it: there are a lot of things I’m just not okay with, hence why such a large pool of men for my perusal is necessary in the first place. If I didn’t reply to your message, it may have something to with your picture. If you are not attractive to me, I will not reply to your message. If your face isn’t in your picture, I will not reply to your message. If you do not have a picture, I will not reply to your message.

Casual Sex

Let’s say you are actually a decently attractive, seemingly nice guy. Well then – my lack of response must have something to do with the content of your message. If the phrase ‘causal sex’ is in your message, I will not be sending a response. Being a young woman in a big (ish) city, if I were looking for casual sex, I would not need the Internet.

You Need an Ego Boost

If your message essentially reads “You probably won’t reply to this, because I see that you’re way too smart and beautiful for me, but I’m going to send this overly flattering message anyway, on the off chance that you’ll talk to me,” then ding ding ding, you’re right! I am not going to reply to your plea for a compliment.

Grammar is Sexy

If you don’t know the difference between “you’re,” and “your,” I will not reply to your message. If your message starts “Ay yo gurl! Yu sexci,” I will not reply to your message. If you pass for an illiterate person or sound like a sixth grader, I will not reply to your message.

You’re a Double-Texter

There is nothing less sexy/ more embarrassing than a double text, so why in the world would you think it’s okay to send me two messages within minutes of each other? You don’t even have my phone number yet and I already feel like you’re stalking me. Also, I am this close to blocking you if you send me “What a cutie J one more time. TC mark

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    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      Ai gurl, hit me up no wut i meen? 

    • Jordan

      Nothing new here, move along folks.  This entire piece is written IN the profiles of how many girls?

    • http://twitter.com/joshliburdi Josh Liburdi

      i feel like i need to take a class on how to suppress the urge to double text/ message.

    • r3t0dd

      Tits or GTFO.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

      “Being a young woman in a big (ish) city, if I were looking for casual sex, I would not need the Internet.”
      Seriously!

      • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

        That is probably the best point made in this article.

    • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

      Best I’ve received to this day:
      “I don’t usually go for black women but you are fiiiiiine”.
      Written by a man who could pass for Quasimodo’s less attractive cousin.  

      • Steven Rawson

        Hey, Quasimodo had a big heart, and that matters! Don’t hate on the Quasimodo!

        • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

           I would certainly go out with Quasimodo, over his ignorant, insulting cousin. 

        • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

           Though I do find myself wondering how many more out there like him exist.  How many think it’s completely acceptable to insult an entire race of people while declaring the subject the “exception” to the rule.  Because after all, what on earth would I do if men I’m not attracted to didn’t deign to date a person of my skin color? 

    • http://www.facebook.com/iamahmad Ahmad Radheyyan

      You’re on a free internet dating website, and you’re complaining about other people on an internet dating website.

      Seriously, what the fuck do you expect?
      Meeting people online is really silly, and, even if on an off chance you meet someone remotely decent and it happens to work out – what are you going to tell people – “oh, yeah, we met on the internet!”

      • Hilary

        theres absolutely nothing wrong with her complaints! Just as in IRL, one is expected to have standards/a certain type they are looking for. How could you criticize that?!?

        Also, today it’s totally legitimate to admit to having met someone on the internet. I don’t know how old you are or where you come from, but if you think that it’s embarrassing to claim this then you have some other issues to work out. It’s 2011 for chrissakes! 

        • Jordan

          Yeah I have this mini argument with my roommate practically every weekend.  He thinks its weird to do internet dating, but then I cite practically every time we’re downtown and I scan a crowd and see someone from a site.  Everyone’s on it!

        • http://maxwellchance.wordpress.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

          “It’s 2011 for chrissakes!” is not a valid argument; you could use that shit for anything. It’s 2011 for chrissakes, it’s OK to eat your children! 

          Meeting people on the internet is lame. I would be embarrassed. I just see it as so pathetic, robotic, logical, and unromantic. Of course, I’ve tried it. But I’m on your side, Ahmad. 

        • Jordan

          Yep that’s a bad example when it comes to cannibalism.  I vote no to baby cannibalism in 2011.  If we’re talking about 2011 in reference to people’s uses and acceptance of social media and online interaction, it might make more sense :)

        • Mr Shankly

          For many, many people, internet dating is far more accessible and less stressful than any of its real life equivalents. Just because it didn’t particularly suit you doesn’t give you the right to condemn it outright.

          That said, I have never been on an online dating website.

        • http://www.facebook.com/iamahmad Ahmad Radheyyan

          I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with her complaints. It’s normal to have standards. The thing is… unless she’s being hounded by people asking her “why didn’t you reply to my message???” there’s no reason to get all self-righteous about it, as if the world owes her a decent boyfriend, or a pristine inbox of perfect men promising to take her away to a private island.  If you sign up for the service, you should pretty much expect to see a decent amount of schlubs on the site. It’s the internet, for crying out loud.

          Also, I don’t care how many people use it, it still seems pretty dumb to me. I’m not saying they can’t/shouldn’t/it should be banned, it’s just not appealing at all to me. Sorry for having an opinion that everyone else doesn’t share! I guess I’m wrong and should immediately sign up for an account because everyone else has one!

          I don’t care if other people use it, you don’t have to get all defensive because you have an okcupid account. I’d just rather meet people through actively living rather than actively searching on a website. Just a personal preference.

        • A mere observer

          “Sorry for having an opinion that everyone else doesn’t share!”
          I don’t think that people were getting defensive because you have an opinion… it’s more the way you expressed your opinion (“Seriously, what the fuck do you expect?”). I mean, you just come off as a trolling douchebag.

      • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

        You might be in the minority here.  Every single person I know of has an okcupid profile.  Everyone.  Regardless of their type or what they are looking for.  It’s not as uncommon as you think.  Sorry. 

      • kristinjames

        are you serious? i live in la and most people i know have an okc profile. this is 2011; it is how one meets another.

      • http://blackmoonclan.tumblr.com Kelsea

        OMG hi Ahmad

        • http://www.facebook.com/iamahmad Ahmad Radheyyan

          hi kelsea how’s school????????????? lolol internet fightss

      • Anonymous

        lol wut? 

        It’s 2011.  Everyone meets on the Internet.  Meeting complete strangers in bars that you have nothing in common with is silly.

    • Mary

      Ok now please write an article telling me why when I message A GUY they don’t respond? I guess its for the same reasons you mention above, but I feel like I fit all the criteria :-/ And I thought guys were tired of being the ones who have to send the message first. 

      • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

         The best I can say, is be patient.  You’ll meet someone! 

      • Valioso

         I admire a woman who takes initiative, I actually find it very attractive. I would’ve responded. :)

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      How much does it pay?

    • freddy

      Four of those are easy enough to do. Sucks being ugly.

      • Anonymous

        Lose weight.  Get a haircut.  Buy some stylish clothes.

    • M909

      My friends and I talk about the most ridiculous inbox messages we receive. I’m a guy and I’ve had girls 4x my size ask me “wutz cookin.” My friend who is a girl has the best though. She was proposed to, and propositioned for anal sex in two different messages in the same day.

    • Amanda Mae

      Has anyone else realized that “can I come over and cuddle?” actually refers to casual sex? The things you know…

    • http://www.facebook.com/earthtonichole EarthToNichole

      Deleted my account when I received a message from a guy offering to “feed me and cuddle me”. I’m not a fucking cat. I will be alone forever.

    • Mariposa

      Alexisoffline.tumblr.com

      Best occupied rejections ever.

    • Mariposa

      Alexisoffline.tumblr.com

      Best occupied rejections ever.

    • Anonymous

      tinyurl.com/2a7usxg

    • Javier Pickle

      “Hey” messages–what’s the protocol? I’m inclined to ignore with obvious room for special-lady exceptions. 

    • http://weyting.blogspot.com/ Jessie

      i agree with all of this. going along with “grammar is sexy”- i will not reply if your entire message is one paragraph and includes no punctuation at all.

    • Peter Lu

      from a man’s perspective — what NOT to do on OkCupid messaging: 

      http://www.peterjlu.com/2011/06/test-of-your-skills-what-not-to-do-on.html

    • Brad

      God, what a bitch! Who would even WANT to date this Hillary Gaffin????

    • Brad

      Anytime anyone makes a sincere, friendly effort to reach out to someone else (in ANY way), they should respond. COMMON HUMAN DECENCY. I could have 100 gay men message me. If they were sincere messages, I’d respond to eery one of them: “Sorry, I’m not interested.” Humans….avoid people like the writer of this poor excuse for an article. If the person messaging you is being polite and sincere, RESPOND. Why? Again…common human decency.

    • http://lolhead.blogspot.com/ dragline

      Hey, you sound like a shallow cunt. Congrats.

    • Fu

      Ding ding ding you’re a bitch hillary! Congrats!

    • Woahthere

      NECRO’D

    • Ferf

      LOL at all the bitter, passive aggressive misogynists!

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