Rediscovering Myself Meant Letting Go Of Who I Always Thought I Had To Be

Whose identity are you holding onto? Yours or the one someone has given you?

I had no clue that I was the one holding myself back. I didn’t believe I was worthy. All I felt was shame, that I wasn’t enough, until I identified the lies, broke free from shame, and celebrated my worth.

Changing my narrative took hard work, but I learned something invaluable: I don’t have to prove I’m worthy.

I never did.

And neither do you.

You get to create the narrative for your identity and live the life you design.

Think about how you would describe yourself. Do you define your identity based on your actions or your personality? Is your identity based on how you live or how you intend to live? Do you define yourself by your dreams or your current reality?

These questions beg the deeper question: How do we close the gap between our self-perceived identity and our embodied identity?

We often think that our deeply held beliefs, values, and emotions result from introspection and examination. While they can be manifested by introspection, our beliefs are actually developed by unconscious mechanisms working behind our logical thoughts, so we really have to dig deeper than the conscious state. If we want to connect reality with our inner identity, we must re-pattern the thoughts we use to define ourselves to allow the authentic self to emerge.

Rewiring perception to align with reality is a quality that can be developed through discipline. As we imagine our identity, we will encounter deeply ingrained limiting beliefs. Your job is to replace those thoughts with truths that are actually in line with your inner identity.

The perceived self is shaped by your past conditioning and the impressions we’ve had from past experiences. As we move through adolescence and into adulthood, our personal narratives are interwoven into the fabric of who we are and how we inhabit the world. That means your narrative is literally wired into your brain. It influences your habits and impacts your mental and emotional landscape. You also become attached to the identity that story gives you and are often no longer able to discriminate that it is only a story.

If you grew up in a household where your parents pushed performance to determine value, you may seek validation from others by trying to prove yourself through achievement. Or if your parents were emotionally distant or abusive, you may try to earn love by changing your personality. Circumstances that require you to betray your true identity or rely on others to fulfill your happiness are unhealthy, and they negatively impact the story you tell yourself.

But it’s time to create a new story, one that assures you that you do not require validation from others to prove your worthiness. No one can give you authentication other than yourself.

Authentic identity is formed through self-awareness and by rewiring and recoding outdated, conditioned beliefs and thought patterns that give you a false impression of yourself. Rewiring your brain helps you clear a safe path through false perception to a new place of expanded potential in every area of your life.

With rewiring and recoding techniques, you have the ability to replace self-limiting subconscious beliefs, quickly and easily, with powerful self-supporting beliefs for a long-lasting change. You can internalize those new, empowering beliefs and transform your mindset completely. And as you tend to your inner world, your external reality harmonizes with it. You begin to honor your identity by acting in ways that are true to who you are.

True identity thrives when you flip the script, learn who you truly are, and discover your life purpose and live it. Those who stray from their purpose lose their identity. I’m sure you’ve seen this in your friend’s lives, and maybe even your own. I know I have, and I know how difficult it is to regain meaning and find yourself again.

We receive what we ask of life. You move toward happiness the moment you declare your intention to do so. How you show up now is predictive of how you’ll show up in the future.

So right now, peel back the curtain and really examine who you want to be and how you want to show up in your life so you won’t have regrets down the road. Come back to who you are and develop an unstoppable mind that will not believe lies and does not succumb to external expectations. Rewrite your narrative, recalibrate your identity, and rebuild your life.

About the author
Generational Shifter. Life Architect. Advanced PSYCH-K®️ Practitioner Follow Hilary on Instagram or read more articles from Hilary on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related