10 Lessons I Learned From Dating Lesbians Online

Eugenio Marongiu / (Shutterstock.com)
Eugenio Marongiu / (Shutterstock.com)


Most websites are designed only for straight people. When I used Tinder, over half of my results were straight women (I knew this because of mutual friends) or men. This was WITH “only women for women” selected.


There’s a ton of different types of lesbians, and most only date a certain type. So if you’re femme and you message another femme who is only into butch women, you’re wasting your time. If you say this in your About section, you look like a picky asshole. There is an option for body type and even ethnicity preference; why can’t you have an option for appearance/style type?


Who messages whom? Traditionally men message women. Yes, sometimes this isn’t always the case, but a majority of my straight female friends say that men message them first. This is the same problem lesbians have at bars; they just stare at each other hoping the other will grow some metaphorical balls. How many times do you need to look at my profile before you get enough courage to send me a message?


Is that other hot girl in her picture her ex or her friend? Or her ex that is now her friend?


Sometimes cute women will send you flirty messages and just when you’re starting to crush on them, they drop the line that they actually have a boyfriend and want you to join. BYE.


When Olga from Denmark messages you (despite you clearly stating that you’re looking for something serious) and says, “Hey, I’m in town the week of _____. I’m looking for a friend to show me around?” this of course actually means, “Do you want to hook up while I’m in town?” No, I do not want to waste my time pretending to show you around the annoying tourist parts of my city. Oh wait…you’re hot? In that case, maybe.


When you message a girl and she never responds. Then you run into her at Lesbian Night at a bar a week later and you don’t know if she is staring at you because she recognizes you or she’s into you and just didn’t check her messages.


You go on a date with a girl only to realize that you not only have mutual friends, but she’s hooked up with your ex who she also met on OKCupid. Lesbians don’t need six degrees of separation; it’s usually just one.


Who goes in for the kiss? The person who first brought up the date? When you go out with a lesbian you already know from social life, work, etc., then you kind of know who is chasing whom, but with online dating, it’s anybody’s guess.


When someone says, “I think you’re really great but I get more of a friend vibe.” Are they letting you down easy or do they really want to be friends? In the straight world, this basically means, “Please don’t talk to me again.” But in the all-female world, people legitimately want to be friends with other cool lesbians they meet, mostly because it’s sometimes hard to find other lesbians if you don’t know where to look (besides Home Depot). Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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