What Happens When We Lose Someone?

A black and white rear shot of the back of a woman's head and back, with her head bowed down in sadness
Volkan Olmez / Unsplash

When we lose someone in a separation, falling-out, or even in the form of death, the same statement is repeatedly told to us by our friends and family…

“You will forever be changed from this.”

This particular statement is what kept me up at night. It is the very thought in which caused me to fear the future when my stepdad tragically passed, and when my first love broke my heart. It was this particular statement in which I absolutely resisted.

As I have began to heal my mind, body, and soul, as well as find my authenticity within the past year, I have began to drill another statement into my head, one that caused me to completely turn my life in a completely different direction.

“Resisting emotions, even negative emotions, will cause them to persist and grow.”

All spiritual healers and religious leaders teach this very statement, only with different wording.

Essentially, if we suppress negative feelings and emotions, or turn a blind eye to negative experiences and pretend to forget them, we are ultimately making those very factors in our life more exaggerated.

The universe operates on The Law of Attraction. Therefore, like attracts like. Positive vibrations attract like positive vibratory experiences. The same goes for negative experiences.

Backing up to the first statement that I began this post with… the very one I was told over and over again when I lost someone close to me….

“You will forever be changed from this.”

I resisted it. I resisted the idea that who I was… who I am… who I would be was going to be different. I always had a negative connotation to that statement. I believed that change was not a good thing. I thought that change was something that either very rarely happened, or was not necessarily a positive thing when it did happen.

Then, I came across the word that changed the interpretation of this entire statement for me…


Evolve (v.): to develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form

Change (v.): to make or become different

It hit me, that what these kind-hearted people meant all along to me is that I would evolve from these tragic losses. That I would improve from them.

The fact that the word change does not always mean for the good, is what scared me. I did not want to be “different”, without knowing if the different person I would become was a good person or a bad one.

Therefore, I kept resisting the change, because I didn’t perceive change as good. 

I was so deathly afraid of being a different person, almost as if when I lost these people, they were taking a part of me with them.

I now realize that losing them had caused me to gain something.

I gained awareness of who I am. Who I desire to become. I became much more of an authentic human being, not hiding behind my shame or feelings of powerlessness anymore.

Going through these losses caused me to gain a desire to understand life more deeply and fully. I desire now to connect with other humans on a very deep and authentic level, and inspire others to do the same. I desire to live a completely healthy lifestyle, through mind, body, and soul.

Going through these losses had caused me to evolve in numerous ways.

The change that we encounter after losing someone so close to us can be used as a complete evolvement of our minds, bodies, and souls. It is up to us to allow these changes to happen, and to stop resisting what the universe has in store for us.

If you have been through a tough time, or experienced a loss, do not be afraid of evolving. Do not fear the change of your spirit. Instead, welcome it. Welcome it as if it is a new being in which you gained from this unfortunate loss. TC mark


More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus