You Became Like All Of The Others Who Hurt Me

Every night, as I lay in my bed, I begin to think of you; your touch, your dimply smile that reminded me of an ecstatic little boy. The way you looked at me just made me feel so damn beautiful…

Why did you have to become like The Others?

You were different; you had this unique way about you that I can’t ever describe in words. I don’t know, I guess it was mainly the way that you acted: you acted like a man, not a boy. You had a rare maturity in your soul that is very rare to find in today’s society. Thus, I loved you because you treated me like a woman, not a girl. You made me feel like I was this angelic gift in your life, and I guess I truly loved you for that.

You showed me what it feels like to love someone. You told me you saw me as complete perfection in a human, and that is probably the best compliment I will ever receive. So, thanks.

But how can you call someone perfect in your eyes, but still end up treating them like The Others treated me?

At first it was pure bliss; I felt so full, so free with you. I felt so comfortable, so genuinely loved.

It gradually stopped… The love.

The love was given less and less from you… And you slowly stopped complimenting me, you slowly stopped looking at me with those big brown eyes like I was the love of your life; you began to change.

You morphed into a new person, a horrifying version of yourself, until you became one of The Others.

You weren’t a man anymore; you were only a boy, confused and self-absorbed.

You chose to run away from any confrontation. You decided it was perfectly fine to completely abandon me after we made love. You thought insulting me was acceptable.

And for what? What did I do?

What did I do except continuously love you and forgive you?

You kept pushing me away….

I know for a fact that I can’t be with one of The Others. The hard part is, that you weren’t an Other in the beginning; you were my true love. I had no idea that you would change; I never would have guessed. Had I known, I would’ve never laid eyes on you. I would’ve never gotten to know you; what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, your fears, your weaknesses.

But now that I know all about you, the hardest fucking part is to just pretend I don’t know you anymore, to pretend I don’t want to know you, to pretend I never knew anything about you.

I can’t believe you fooled me for this long. I can’t believe I’m even taking the time to write this about you after everything you put me through in my fragility and innocence.

But I want to thank you for coming into my life, because had not it been for you, I would never be aware that even though some don’t begin as an Other, they can still end up as one if they let themselves go.

And so, at the end of the day, I have two options: I can either put up a bigger wall for the next guy who comes into my life, or I could just take a chance of him being one of The Others.

The saddest part is, either way, I’ll lose. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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